It's My Day!

I have decided to celebrate by sharing 32 tidbits about myself:
1. I love to read!!!! I am a member of two book clubs.
2. I love breakfast foods--pancakes, waffles, bacon, sausage & biscuits.
3. I was raised as an only child.
4. I have seven siblings.
5. I am learning how to play the violin--I started about 4 years ago with my daughter.
6. I lived in Spain for a month and a half.
7. I earned a minor in Spanish from BYU.
8. The farthest I've ever run is a 10K--but I didn't take any breaks!
9. I have made my husband promise never to bury me at sea (even if we die on a ship).
10. I love lots of different music--80s, country, etc.
11. My husband proposed to me right next to a cemetery.
12. I was accepted and going to attend University of Kansas Law School when I met Derek. (One lawyer in our family is plenty!)
13. I don't wear glasses or contacts. 20/20 vision!
14. I chose to be Dopey, one of the seven dwarfs, for Halloween, when I was a little girl.
15. I love to eat out!!!!
16. I was born on my due date.
17. I have swum with dolphins.
18. Derek and I lived in a different city every summer during his undergraduate degree--Euless, Texas; Vienna, Virginia; Lewisville, Texas and Duluth, Georgia.
19. I do NOT eat watermelon or honeydew.
20. I am taller than my husband.
21. I am named after my dad's adopted mother.
22. I have the same middle name as my dad's biological mother--we discovered this when we found her family this last year.
23. I am addicted to family history work.
24. I was on the diving team in high school.
25. I have big lips--but my mom's are bigger!
26. I love to have my back rubbed--softly.
27. I never go grocery shopping without a list.
28. I hate Viva milk--any other brand is okay.
29. There is a 20 year gap between my age and my mom's and a forty year gap between my grandma and me. (I ruined the pattern!)
30. I like to play the piano, but I have no idea what I'm doing.
31. When I was a little girl, I never wore a seatbelt. I stood pressed behind my grandpa's shoulder and the seat while he drove.
32. I love to play racquetball.
There you go. Some random and useless information about me. 32 years young.

I Used to Be...

Fun.
I think I was anyway.
I sure hope I was.
I like to envision myself as fun, but now I am boring.
I must be because I can't think of anything to blog about.
Well, actually, I've thought of a few things to blog about, but before my fingers could hit the keyboard, I lost steam. Yeah, not even partial drafts of blog posts, but absolutely no blog posts.
Maybe that means I'm still fun, but lazy. Yeah, maybe I'm lazy, but I don't feel lazy. I mean sometimes I feel lazy when I find myself getting excited about putting the kids to bed, so that I can break out the foods I hide from them, so I don't have to share. (lazy and selfish a bit too)
I feel stressed sometimes during the holidays. I've been debating back and forth, back and forth. Do I do treats for friends? I've done them every single year since I started the tradition. Even when Owen was only three weeks old. Even when Eli was only a month and a half old. I did those treat plates and I really like taking a little bit of love to my friends, but I'm debating doing it at all this year.
I've been cold. Yeah, it's been cold for us. Down in the 50s or some other frigid temperature I don't want to feel. I want to have temperate weather. I endure those 100+ degree days to have winters where I wear my sandals everywhere. I've had to wear socks all week! Socks.
Phew, I sound really whiney. I'm not meaning to. The cold does this to me. Well, I'm also a bit hungry too. It's my first time fasting in about two years. Not that anyone is counting, but I've only got 53 minutes left to go.
I shouldn't even post this because it's really lame, but my mom requested I update my blog. Boy, she's going to be impressed huh? 52 minutes and counting...

Would I Do That?

So, my husband ordered me something for Mother's Day. How do I know? Well, he sent me an email and informed me it was coming in the mail and then guess what he said? "Don't spoil it." What is that supposed to mean? I have never opened a wrapped Christmas present or even picked one up and shaken it. I don't even search for gifts. Mostly because he's a last minute shopper, so there's no point anyway. BUT, even if he weren't a last minute shopper, I still wouldn't try to find them.
It is not my fault that I always look to see the name of the sender on letters. Don't we all do that? Sometimes those return addresses are dead giveaways for what's inside. Sometimes just the shape of the object gives it away. I can't help it that I'm good at deducing presents.
I actually like to be surprised. Okay, maybe not surprised with everything, but I do like a good surprise such as coming home to find all the dishes done, the kids in bed for the night and Cheesecake Factory cheesecake sitting on the table. And, it's only 4 o'clock. The kids need a good night's sleep every once in a while right? How do those lyrics go? Oh yeah--"Dream on, dream on...dream until your dreams come true..."
You know, my Mother's Day requests are getting more and more...what's the right word here? Homey, responsible, boring? I don't know, but here they are in random order:

1. New dish towels. They need to be terry cloth because those other kind don't clean up spills.
2. A set of decent sized no skid nesting bowls. I've searched Target, Wal-mart, Ross, Marshalls, etc. and still haven't found a set that suits me in terms of size or fit.
3. A sectional for our living room. I've been requesting this for a loooonnnggg time now.
4. A new dishwasher.
5. A steam cleaner for our carpets. We have cream colored carpet in our front room and children ages: 6, 2, and 7 months--need I say more?
6. Some new t-shirts. This is actually harder than you may think. I always find myself buying solid color shirts and I'm trying to branch out a bit. However, the three children mentioned in #5 make it very unfun and unproductive to shop for myself.

Well, now that I sound extremely boring and selfish, I'll stop. I'm sure that there are a million other want items, but these are probably the ones I think of all the time.

I'm 30, but I'm really 29

So, on Friday I left my 20s behind. However, according to everything I hear, 30 is the new 20, so really, what am I doing with these two kids running around and one on the way? At 20, I'm much too young to have a five year old!
For my birthday my husband took me to the Tempe Arts Center that opened not that long ago, where we dined amidst his work associates while we had a fabulous view of the Tempe Lake. It was actually the closing dinner for the summer associates, but it was still really good, FREE food, a beautiful view and we got to tour an art exhibit which I really love. Makes me remember going to the Prado in Spain--back when I was??? What...let's see about 20, so I was really 10?
On my birthday, many of you called, mailed, emailed or came by with cards and treats in remembrance of my birthday. I felt so loved and special. It made me remember how important it is to remember other people's birthdays. It can be as small as a phone call saying, "Hey, I remembered your birthday today." All of those little acts of kindness really made me feel wonderful. I need to be more like that and remember these events and get cards in the mail or pick up the phone and dial a friend. Seriously, you never know when you might be the only person that remembered and that person is feeling so lonely.
So, here I am, 30...or 20 and 29 weeks pregnant and no name for this little boy growing and kicking--definitely kicking me all the time. We seem to be going through the same cycles of names at this point. If we ever do get pregnant again and it's another boy, I may have a mental breakdown. I'm the type of person who likes to go with a game plan and not having a name is driving me nuts. Derek, are you reading this? Driving me nuts!!!! So, we need to get it figured out.
This week I will be 30 and 30 or should I say 30 and 20? Either way, this baby is coming. Named or not.

Where I've Been and Other Exciting News You Always Wanted to Hear

So, I don't usually like to use my blog as a journaling tool as much as a my thoughts on random items tool, but I know that so many of you have been wondering where I am and why I've been silent and well, if any authorities have come to take my children away like that "annonymous" poster said would be such a good idea.

Where: I've been in Utah the last week and a half. My grandma was sweet enough to fly down to Phoenix to drive with me and the kids to Utah. Her help and the double DVD player that Melissa loaned me saved my life. Wait! I feel a song coming on "You are the Wind Beneath My Wings....Oh! The wind beneath my wings."

Why: Women's Conference was May 1-2 at BYU. It was amazing. We were able to first hear from Sheri Dew who is one of the most motivational speakers for women that I've ever heard. Seriously, if you can't feel inspired after hearing her speak, you may need to check your pulse. Once again, there is much credit due here. Thursday, my cousin Kelli watched my kids along with her own, so that I could attend. Friday, my sister in law Sabina watched my kids with hers so that I could attend again. Let's see, another appropriate song..."We are family! I've got all my sisters with me. We are family! Get up everybody and sing!" (Actually, neither woman is directly my sister, but they are my family and their help allowed me to have a wonderful two days.)

So, if Women's Conference was only two days where have I been?

Well, I decided it would be a lot of fun to let Sabina take care of me and my kids while we got sick at her house. On Tuesday (I think that's when it started) Ryanna woke up in the middle of the night and threw up all night. I stayed up with her and helped to rinse the throw up bowl and try to offer comfort. Owen did his usual trick of this trip and woke up at 5:30 Arizona time allowing me just about 4 hours of sleep for the entire night. Sabina was kind enough to let me sleep for several more hours the next day. Ryanna continued to throw up for the remainder of the next day.

On Thursday I felt really sick and my head hurt all day, so once again, Sabina let me get some additional rest in the afternoon. Ryanna was restored to full health and ran around and played with her cousins.

On Friday, my grandma flew back out to SLC and drove back with us to Kanab, Utah where we spent the night and I felt like throwing up all night. I never did throw up and I managed to watch the end of the Jazz win over the Lakers. I see they won again today--way to go.

Saturday, we woke up early and started the drive the rest of the way to Phoenix. Owen pooped all the way up his back and down to his toes. None of this was noticed until my grandma had pressed him firmly and lovingly to her chest and coated herself in poo. I waited in the car while she changed him and herself. We made it to Phoenix where I dropped my grandma off at the airport, so she could fly back to Colorado and I drove home, took a bath and slept for two hours while Derek played with the kids and brought me random items of food I tried to eat.

Today, my energy level is slightly better than it was earlier today, but typing is about as much strenuous energy as I can exert. I did go to sacrament because I wanted to see Ryanna sing a Mother's Day song for me (she rocked!) and noticed that I had developed a weird rash on my arms. The woman sitting next to me said it's some flu virus going around and that her grand daughter had it earlier this week. Did I mention Owen is sick?

A few side notes:

1. Yesterday, nothing, absolutely nothing except for peppermint lifesavers sounded good, so that's what I ate from early morning until I got home and had a Jamba Juice. Oh water, that was the only other item that sounded good. Peppermint and water--who knew? I can also highly recommend Butter Rum Lifesavers. They will refresh you and allow you to stay temple worthy.



2. If you do have to be sick at someone's home, it's really good to be sick at Sabina's house because she is miserable during most of her pregnancies, so she'll offer you a lot of sympathy and let you get the sleep you need.



3. Women's Conference was completely motivational and the speakers reminded all of us that as mothers the only and best place for us to be is in the home with our children.



4. The Museum of Art at BYU is awesome and it was incredibly refreshing to study art again in some small measure like I was able to do in Spain.



5. Kelli is an incredible cook and her raviolis in browned butter sauce were absolutely delicious (so was the garlic bread) and then on fast Sunday, while she was fasting, she made us fruit smoothies (please post the recipe Kell!), ham and pancakes. If I lived with this woman I would weigh close to 300 pounds.

Okay, that's about it. Please let Owen's sickness pass soon...

Genetics--You Can Run, But You Can't Hide!

My husband is a wonderful, talented man. He is my example in so many different areas. That being said, some of the things about him really make me chuckle. For instance, my friend just emailed me the pics she took from Easter since our camera didn't make the trip (I'm not going to issue any blame here--see how charitable I am?). As I was looking through the photos, the first thing I noticed were Derek's feet. Have a look for yourself.

You are probably thinking, Derek was a premier danseur (male ballerina)? I kid you not, that's the name of a male ballerina. No, Derek was never a professional dancer of any kind, he has been a sports fan all his life. He did dabble with piano for a few, short years...oh yeah, he was also in a children's singing group, but nothing in the dancing catergory. His feet stand like that ALL THE TIME.

I don't think he needs corrective surgery, although I don't know if that's ever been investigated. I suppose he prefers to think of it as an advantageous mutation. Think about it, you're at the bathroom sink, brushing your teeth and you lean over to spit--Derek's a good 2-3 inches closer than most. Or, his first love soccer. (I mean his first sports love, not his first REAL love, that's me of course). Can you imagine a soccer player that wouldn't die to be born with feet ready to kick a ball?

You know the weirdest thing? If he puts his feet together, his knees turn out a weird way. So, obviously, he was born with this situation going on. I've heard of pigeon-toed, but I don't know what you call this...

For as athletic as Derek is, you would think he would have some level of flexibility, but sadly, there is none. We stretched out together once. Okay, I stretched out and he did something that looked like he was bending half way over at the waist. I told him to really try and stretch and he said that was as far as he could go. Try this. Stand up, bend over at the waist to where your fingertips touch your knees, that's about where his flexibility stops. Now, I would say this was poor training by coaches over the years, but then I saw Derek stretching with his brothers. Now there's a whole group of men who can barely stretch. I don't know how it happened, but it did. I did hear rumor that his brother Trevor built up his stretching ability over the years and can now safely bend over and touch his ankles. I'd have to see that with my own eyes.

I have to confess that my body too has its quirks. My fingers are all messed up. Seriously, if I point, my finger bends like a weird double-jointed way. Why you may ask? I have no idea. My pinky has a weird side bend going on as well. I think my aunt is to blame for that one. Your aunt you say? Hey, I can assign blame wherever I choose. She gets it for this one.

As for my toes, the second toe and the middle toe used to cross. No joke, for several years when I was born they crossed each other. Freak! Don't talk about my grandpa that way he'll kick your bum and that's where I got that weirdness.

You want to know something else weird? I laugh a lot on my homevideos. You can hear my cackle in the background if you listen. You know who laughs just like me? My mom. That's right, she's copying me. She loves me that much. I first noticed it a couple of years ago. We laugh exactly the same. Genetic laughing? What chromosome is that one?

I know I make some people nervous because I'm a big-time detail person. Typos, incorrect word usage, the stray hair lying on your back. I'm taking it all in. Don't worry, I rarely say anything, but I'm watching. Know who else is just like that? My dad. Big deal you say? Well, I only lived with him the first year of my life, so how in the heck did that get passed on?

Wouldn't it be amazing to know all of the traits that have passed down through the various branches of our trees that make us who we are? To be able to provide credit and assign blame to ancestors for all of the many characteristics that make us individuals. How fun to see them all in one room and recognize a tiny bit of ourselves in each person we meet.

A Whole Lot of Nothin'

I usually begin my days in a very structured way. Namely, I wake-up and groan at how early my boy insists on greeting the day--the time ranges from 5:40 to 6:30 a.m. Then, I quickly remind myself that this is my life. It's not going to change and I can only change my attitude, so I jump out of bed with a smile on my face and greet the day. Okay, you caught me, I don't shift gears that quickly, but I do get out of bed with resolve and get on my exercise outfit (no, it's not a matching ensemble with cute bows) and haul him downstairs with me.

After locating something with nutritional value, I put him in his chair to eat a small portion (he doesn't like a large breakfast, he said it makes him feel groggy during the day and hey, could I argue with that?). I put on the tape/DVD and get a large glass of ice water. Yes, it has to have ice in it. I don't like water that isn't chilled--call me a snob. "What tape/DVD do you do that manages to keep you looking so trim and toned?" you are dying to know... Well, it's a random assortment based on my tolerance for pushing myself that particular day. If I'm feeling really tough it's David Kirsch's video that has--I'm not kidding or exaggerating--50 push-ups worked into it. Go read the reviews on amazon.com, it'll kick your booty. If I'm not feeling that tough, I may do a Tae Bo or The Firm or another step tape that I really love. For those who are truly interested, I'll let you know if you want some ideas (not all Tae Bo videos are created equal let me tell you).

After the exercise has ended (I've had to stop the tape and remove Owen at some point from his chair), I usually drink a little bit more and let my body cool down a bit by doing the dishes or a general clean up session of the kitchen. I now also have to clean up the bunny do-dos and feed him a bit as well. Following that, I head to a shower, then hair and make-up. This is all performed by me, not a team of stylists. Although I have wished for that before. Following the Audrey production, I throw my kids in my tub--not their tub--my tub. They prefer my tub because it's bigger and I don't mind of course. I get them dressed and do Ryanna's hair and have her make her bed and brush her teeth. We then usually head downstairs to do a 30 minute violin practice session. After that, it's whatever needs to be done for the day.

Why am I telling you the tedious details that seems to take up so much of my morning? Well, it's because today was so very different. Today, was not a typical get up, get going day for me. My day began at 3:45 a.m. and again at 6:45 a.m. I woke up the first time because I had to go to the bathroom and then my mind started going. My husband thinks I'm crazy, but this is a big problem with me. It's not usually to-do's either that run through my mind. It's thoughts like, "I wonder why so and so hasn't emailed me in a while?" or "Really, how could I be a better parent...what could I change, how am I going to start in a few hours to reach those goals?" Other such thoughts that do have merit, but are best left to be pondered in the daylight hours. Once I get going though, it's hard to stop as it was today. I was awake, tormented with my thoughts and feeling sick to my stomach (that's literal) and didn't fall back asleep until 6:00 a.m. At which time my husband got up and I fell asleep until 6:45 a.m. when Owen greeted the day. I was actually thrilled he'd let me sleep in a bit.

Feeling sick, still, I got up and carried him downstairs where I fed him and then let him watch the new pbs channel that is composed of all their children's programs all day--have you seen this? I read a bit of the new book I'm reading and generally felt yucky all day.

My house looked like trash, my body felt like trash and my mothering today bordered on nanny with serious neglect issues. I am not a TV mom. I allow one hour a day. Seriously, one hour, sometimes two if there's a very good reason. Today? Uh, let's not go into details here. Suffice it to say that my daughter loved today because of all the TV.

Did I mention I'm still wearing the pjs I went to bed in last night? Gross. Real, but gross.

Tomorrow? Tomorrow holds so much promise--another day of TV is what my daughter would hope for I'm certain. For me, it holds the hope of my usual routine. I am a creature of habit.

Tagged--My Husband Derek

Melissa tagged me on this one and I thought it was excellent timing with Valentine's just around the corner. Before I fill you in on the fascinating relationship that is Derek & Audrey Petersen, I wanted to let all of you know that Costco's deal for Valentine's is THREE dozen roses (delivered!) for only $59.99. I've never heard of such a great deal. Anyway, moving onto us...

1. What's his name? Phil Derek Petersen (No, that's not short for Phillip which is what I'm always asked. Yes, he goes by his middle name because he is named after his dad. And, no, we did not carry on the name of Phil with our first born for which I will always be slightly in trouble for. However, we did name our son after my husband's great-grandpa so that counts for something I think.)

2. How long have you been married? To Derek? Probably, that's what you mean. 6 1/2 years.

3. How long did you date? Puh-leez! Don't get me started on this subject. I say we basically didn't date really at all because Derek is a big proponent of "hanging-out" so he didn't ask me on many formal dates at all. We did see each other almost every single day for about four months before we got engaged.

4. How old is he? Enjoying the last year of his 20s.

5. Who eats more? It depends on what is served. If it's dessert in any form--me for sure. If it's the main course of meat and sides--Derek. (I always remember to save room for dessert.)

6. Who said "I love you" first? Derek did. After he discussed with me how would a person know if he was in love?

7. Who is taller? I am by like 1/2 an inch. I do contend that he tricked me though by wearing hiking boots most of the time we dated (it was winter in Utah.).

8. Who sings better? Definitely Derek. His family is very talented musically while my family is talented in appreciating people who are talented musically.

9. Who is smarter? Well, Derek always says I am. However, I think it depends on what it is we're talking about. I'm very good at grammar and spelling and better at math than he is, but he has a better memory for certain details in stories and definitely knows politics and world news better than me. He also is more dedicated to studying than I could ever be.

10. Whose temper is worse? Definitely mine. Derek doesn't get that upset about most things.

11. Who does the laundry? I wash it all, but he often helps me fold it.

12. Who does the dishes? I do them most of the time, but Derek will help if I ask him to.

13. Who sleeps on the right side of the bed? This is a weird question. What is this supposed to reveal? I do right now, but it has switched from time to time.

14. Who pays the bills? Well, Derek is the one making the money, but I'm the one that pays the bills.

15. Who mows the lawn? I did mow it one time, but it's really Derek's job.

16. Who cooks dinner? Me most of the time. Derek doesn't get home in time to do that. However, on the weekends, sometimes I'll let him cook me something. He doesn't like to cook with recipes.

17. Who drives when you are together? Mostly me, but I try to let him drive because it shows that I trust him. (There's a story here, but I'll spare you the details.)

18. Who is more stubborn? Mostly me. This is genetic by the way, I have no way of avoiding this trait. Ask every male that has married into our family.

19. Who is the first to admit when they are wrong? What is this? Some sort of a put my faults on display for the whole blogging community? Derek is a thousand times better at this than me. Maybe that just means he's wrong more than me?

20. Whose parents do you visit most? I would say that my grandparents are probably who we see most because they live closer than any other parents.

21. Who proposed? Derek.

22. Who has more friends? Boy, this is a little devisive I'd say. I would say that I do a better job of keeping in touch with my friends. Who keeps tallies of these things? Even if I do have more friends, would I want to flaunt it?

23. Who has more siblings? He does--he's number two of eight.

24. Who wears the pants in the family? Well, I guess I would say that I typically am the bossier of the two of us, but to his credit, I don't think it's because Derek is a pushover, more because he recognizes a genius when he sees one. (Seriously, I think it's because Derek doesn't really feel strongly about most things that have to be decided on, but we try very hard to work together on big decisions.)

Okay, who to tag? I tag Misty M., Adrienne, Marielle, Lolly, Kelli & Stephanie

Money--what does it buy?

So, my husband graduated from law school in June and then he took the bar in July and then we bought a house (that we loved) in August and here we are in January.

All of these events were very exciting and very fulfilling--I have been graduated from school since right before we got married. So, him finishing school finally was HUGE for me. He didn't mess around and he did get good grades and so that allowed us opportunities that we may not have had otherwise.

Now, call me naive, but I guess I thought that once he was done with school, we'd be a little bit more crazy with the money than we had been. We always tried very, very hard to be frugal and there is no way that we could have gotten by without the help we received from family. However, I thought the following:

• Yes! We're done. Now I can buy some new clothes that I really like and it won't be any big deal.


• Yes! I have a beautiful house, now I can decorate it and it will be fabulous and I will think "Wow! It was a beautiful house and I somehow made it even better!"


• Yes! I will buy my kids cute, cute clothes and I will revel in their cuteness.


• Yes! I will cook gourmet meals because now I can afford to buy ingredients that I could never afford to buy or didn't have the room to store.


• Yes! I will plant a garden and we will be eating delectable produce and we will be healthy and find time to bond as a family while we weed and plant.

I'm sure there were many other thoughts that went through my head along these lines, but here's what the cold, hard truth has been:

• Yes! I can buy clothes that I think are fabulous, but everytime I go to buy them, I glance at the price tag and about go into cardiac arrest. I am used to perusing second hand stores where you are shocked if something costs more than $8.


• Yes! My house is beautiful, but like every dreamy-eyed house buyer, there were flaws that I didn't initially see and the ones I did I imagined would be easily fixed. Truth is, I am not a natural talent at decorating. I took MONTHS to put up pictures that we already owned because I was so terrified of putting that first nail hole in our brown painted walls. What if I put it too high and then you would see the hole, 'cause I had to adjust it? Yes, I want to paint the walls, but I really shouldn't paint until I buy a couch for the front room and I can't buy a couch for the front room because it all costs so much money.


• Yes! I still buy my kids cute clothes from time to time, but they never come from department stores. I still look at second hand shops and still wait for those wonderful packages that come in the mail from their grandparents. I still revel in their cuteness-that has never been a problem.


• Yes! I still cook the majority of our meals from home, but now that we have a little bit more flexibility, sometimes I want to try nicer restaurants instead of cooking. I also still do my grocery shopping at Wal-Mart because they price match every single store. I honestly save at least $5 everytime I go to the store--usually much, much more than that even. When I try to go to a regular grocery store I just can't believe how they balance out their sale prices with the expensiveness of all the other items in the store. I did cook us our first gourmet meal last night. It was called Chicken Scaloppine (a Top Secret knock off of Macaroni Grill's recipe) and it tasted amazing!!!! It had artichoke hearts and proscuitto--uh, did anyone else out there realize that this stuff costs about as much as gold does?

Yes! I did plant tomatoes, strawberries and bell peppers then the Arizona weather decided to frost everything while I went to visit family for Christmas. In fact, we've had several nights of freezing since even. So much for global warming!

So, the moral of the story is: You can give a woman money, but you can't change her deeply ingrained, cheap and thrifty ways. (Although I am trying, one dollar at a time.)

Friends, Food, Fun

Do you remember hearing this slogan a while back? (see title) I think that it hits the nail on the head so to speak.
Honestly, yesterday I was having a crummy day as per my post. Don't we all have those days where we deeply ponder the unfairnesses that life has presented us and worry that it will never be right? I get in those funks sometimes...luckily for me, I have a wonderful husband who is so much wiser than I am. I also have such wonderful family members (Kell & Don) who take the time to tell me they love me and appreciate me. I'm sorry I posted when I was having a down moment, I hope you won't all think I'm ridiculous. Thanks for your support though, it really lifted my spirits.
Last week some of my girlfriends and I got together to do a craft project. One of my closest friends, Alacey, is incredibly creative and talented and so she volunteered to help us do a fun fall project. We tried for several weeks to establish a night we could all get together sans kids to make it happen. We literally could not find one single night that all of us women could meet. Finally, we decided to do it with the kids around.
It was chaotic, it took longer than it would've taken without the kids, my house was a mess, but more than any of those things--it was fun. After we had finished our little projects, we all started feeling the munchies. Alacey said, "I think we should go to Barro's for lunch." She didn't have to say it twice and we had all grabbed our kids and were out the door. For those of you not familiar with Barro's--it's a local pizza chain that has a kids' area with a huge TV which plays Disney movies, a play kitchen with tons of food items (even milk cartons that look real--huh Jen?) and a little house and car to play with. Oh yeah, the pizza is delicious too.
After we had devoured the pizza and we were rounding up the kids to head home, I had such a content feeling. Friendships do that don't they? A good chat with a close friend is akin to a good accomplishment--you just feel so satisfied when you've taken the time to do it well.
Today I had a group of girlfriends and their kids over again. It too brightened my spirits. It's just so nice to forget yourself for awhile and just play with friends. It's also refreshing to have a good night's sleep. Amazing how waking up in the morning and thinking about the blank slate of a new day will help you to keep your issues in perspective.
Though I may not have everything I need, or I think I need, I do have so much more than most. I have wonderful friends and I am grateful for them.

What makes you sad?

Have you ever mourned the loss of something you never had? Something you recognized other people had and you envied, but try as you might, you would probably never have it in your life? I'm not talking about something superficial like a nice car or house or killer body, I'm talking something deeper like a relationship with a family member or close friend.
I don't think I would describe it as envy or jealousy of other people because I certainly don't begrudge anyone their happiness. I would love for everyone to be happy. I'm talking about something that's perhaps out of your control...A friendship that is taken from you without your permission...a missing piece of a relationship that will never be filled.
Take for instance my dad. My dad was around for about the first year of my life, or so I'm told. I don't ever remember him being there. I don't really remember anything in my life before about age five which is actually quite a blessing I think. Well, my dad tried on and off throughout the years to be involved in my life in his minimalistic way. He would call and have me over for a couple of hours and then return me to my grandparents' house.
We didn't really develop anything closer than that until I was married actually. He calls me fairly frequently now. He often calls to tell me his troubles and sometimes get advice. I appreciate the effort he makes to be a part of my life. I don't think he had the greatest example of a father himself growing up and he openly admits that. The point is that he's trying now, in the best way he knows how, to be in my life.
This ties back into my first question--mourning the loss of something you'll never have--because I never had a dad. I had a grandpa who served in that capacity, but that doesn't mean that I don't need a dad because I have a grandpa. It would be like saying because I have my grandma, I don't need my mom.
I have reached a point in my life where I have to recognize that I will never have a dad. I don't call my biological father dad because I don't think I ever saw him fulfill that role in my life. I don't know that the love he feels for me is that of a father for a daughter. I know that he feels closer to his other kids than me and that's fine. I don't begrudge them their relationship with him. I'm glad he got a second chance to try and be a dad.
How do you fill those holes in your heart? How do you move past that desire to make things how they should be and accept someone else's right to hurt you? How do you look at them and feel such sadness and let it go and hope for better?
I wish I could explain this to her. I wish I could make her see how she makes me feel. She doesn't even know me.

7 Things You Never Knew You Wanted to Know

So, I was tagged by my friend Julie... Apparently I'm supposed to come up with seven tidbits of information about myself that you didn't know. I don't know how interesting this is going to be since I think I'm pretty open. We'll see... Also, I'm supposed to tag seven of you faithful readers out there, so make sure you read to the bottom and don't let me down.

1. I exercise five times a week for approximately an hour a day. I don't really love to exercise. I just really love to eat chocolate and hence I have to exercise because I'm still trying to convince myself that I love my current body and don't need to change it. The exercise cancels out the chocolate and maintains my status quo. Though I don't think I like exercising, I really do like the feeling I have after I have conquered a very tough exercise tape though.

2. I have a phobia of large masses of deep water such as the ocean. I need to explain this a little better so you'll understand. I love the ocean, when I'm sitting on the shore. I don't love the idea of being stranded in the middle of the ocean without a boat or a small island. I think that Jaws did in the friendliness of the ocean for me. I mean, how deep is the ocean exactly? You don't know do you! Neither do I!!! Just stay away that's my motto. They have fish down there that they've only recently discovered because of the depth they live. Come on, that's freaky.

3. I love 80s music. Ahhh yes, Madonna, Michael Jackson, George Michael and Whitney Houston--the early years, the Pointer Sisters, Milli Vanilli, the Cars, Tiffany, Erasure, lots of other one hit wonder groups whose names you probably wouldn't recognize except for that one song you've heard.

4. I like the driver's seat. I realize that many women like to be the passenger, but I don't. I like to drive the car, no matter where or for how long. There are a couple reasons for this--I'm a control freak is one of them. The other is that my husband's driving scares me sometimes. He's definitely a better driver than some of the other people I've had drive me around while I've sat in the backseat, but I just try and close my eyes and pray a lot.

5. I was accepted to go to law school, but met my husband in the meantime. I chose not to go and haven't ever regretted it!

6. I had a roommate with an eating disorder my freshman year of BYU. She started out anorexic and changed into bulimic. She had some major issues. She stole checks from other roommates and went to eat at McDonald's. Imagine how much $34 at McDonald's will buy one person in one sitting. She would throw up in our shower and our sink and not wash it down the drain. She needed some real help.

7. I dated the same guy from the time I was 16 till I was 20. He was NOT the man I married.

Phew...I don't think any of these items is all that interesting, but that's all I've got to offer. You all could start up a collection and fund an exotic cruise for me to go on and then I'll happily write something interesting. Don't worry, my phobia about the water won't stop me from going on a cruise. It's just the idea of the water that scares me. If that ship sinks though, I'll probably die from a heartattack before the water ever gets to me. I don't want any of those crazy fish eating me!

Okay, I tag: Kjirsti, Kelli, Sherri, Tina, Rischel, Annie & Heather.

Victoria Beckham or Audrey?

So, I got my haircut on Saturday, by the greatest stylist of all time--my friend Brooke. Seriously, I wish I had a scanner to show you all some of my first arrived at BYU photos when I was a freshman. Not that I'm the most stylish person now, but I did need some help. Okay, lots of help in reality. I think all of my roommates who were from big cities really enjoyed the idea of transforming this country bumpkin into someone a little more pretty.

Well, after graduating from BYU, Brooke decided to go back and get her cosmetology license. Ever since then, she's been the only one to cut my hair. Crazy that we both ended up back here in Arizona. I always let her pick whatever colors and the cut as well.

So, here's the latest...

So, whadda ya think?