I'll Love You Forever

My friend and best seamstress, Jen, posted a link to this blogpost (be warned, you're going to tear up--I did!) and I just felt so inspired by her thoughts--Jen's thoughts as well--you should read her post too. I think a lot about motherhood these days. In fact, I had my yearly check up with my ob today (aren't those so fun?) and we talked about family.

I think a lot about the family that I have. I love my children so much. I marvel at their talents and their beauty. I wonder how I could ever have been trusted to raise such amazing humans. I do wish that I did a better job of taking the time to plan more crazy and fun activities for my kids. But the post reminded me that when it comes down to it, there's something that is so special and sacred about family that you can't produce through a perfectly executed birthday party.

Tonight Derek came home a bit early from work (before 6!) and he ran upstairs and threw on some shorts and ran outside to play ball with the kids. I folded laundry upstairs and it ran through my mind that this is bliss. Not so much the folding laundry, but the building of family. Sure, there's work to be done, but there's time to play and laugh together too.

As I think about how much there is to be done every day, it is overwhelming at times, but when I have some sweet moments where I stop and hug one of my children or sing a little song with them I feel so close to them. That feeling is such a comfort and such a lift to my spirit.

Maybe these feelings are why being a grandparent must be so grand--you finally have more time to stop and enjoy these little people without having to haggle with them to eat correctly or quit fighting or to flush the toilet. You love more than you push. You relax a bit and appreciate how quickly these kids grow.

I hope that someday when my kids are adults they can feel like I do about my own mom and grandma, that when I need to feel unconditional love and support, it's no further than a phone call to the women who love me.

Fit to be Dyed!

Last weekend we decided it would be fun to try our hands at tie dyeing again. The kids and I ventured to Deseret Industries to get some white shirts for a dollar a piece and on Saturday we enlisted Derek's help. You'll notice we used the same technique for Ryanna and Owen's shirts and a different technique for Eli's. The results were as follows:

I Should Be Grateful, But...

1. I should be grateful that my boys let me do my hour of exercise, BUT it's still irritating to find green crayon scribbled on two different couches.
2. I should be grateful that Eli stopped coloring when I noticed he had a crayon, BUT did he have to be coloring in a library book?
3. I should be grateful that De-Solv-It takes crayon and pencil off of walls, BUT why do I have pencil marks taller than my 1 year old can reach?
4. I should be grateful that the crayon marks washed right off of my couch pillows, BUT did the pillow covering have to rip and leave filling throughout my entire load of laundry?
5. I should be grateful that my washing machine didn't flood my laundry room, BUT where did that water on the floor come from anyway?
6. I should be grateful that all of this happened within two hours this morning, BUT did it have to happen at all?
However, my day is not a complete loss--thank you Children's Place $2.99 sale. And, to keep it all in perspective, I was watching this video yesterday and it got me all teary. Sure, I had a rough morning, but my life is soooo easy in comparison to hers.
I've been thinking about where I am in my life right now--a lot lately. Am I being the kind of mother, daughter, wife and friend I want to be? Am I appreciating all of the sweet moments that being a young parent brings or merely dwelling on the challenges (like my 1-6 above)?
I look at my daughter who started 2nd grade a few weeks ago and think that in only a matter of months from now, she'll be old enough to decide if she wants to make a life long commitment to join the church. How quickly that time has gone.

I look at my baby who is nearing is second birthday and realize that Owen was almost the same age that Eli is now, when Eli was born--yet, I feel like Eli is still my baby.

Life is flying by and am I really appreciating it for all it's worth? Some days yes, some days not as much as I should.
However, I am grateful for all that God has blessed me with. So, the rough mornings will come, but really, I live a pretty charmed life.

Labor Day Activities

Labor Day dawns and of course everyone feels slightly sick and mostly sick and I don't want to do my exercises. So I cheat and we go on a "family walk" which means we walk a little and talk a lot to neighbors. Oh I'm definitely sweating by the end of the walk, but not because of exertion.
Why is it that my plans to rock as a parent and plan the most fun Labor Day in history--based around entertaining my kids and not entertaining me (I would be entertained by napping and venturing to Sonic)--never go as planned?
Within the first ten minutes of Labor Day dawning, my two year old has thrown three fits. I'm not exaggerating either. He has some serious bi-polar issues going on in his life right now. Plus, he has these HUGE lips he inherited from me and they are really extra good for pouting, so should I really stop that talent in action? When he isn't pouting about me asking him to do something really hard like not cough in my face, he's throwing a tantrum about how he can't perfectly kick a ball or his legs don't run fast enough. Seriously. He throws fits about how his legs don't run fast enough. What kind of a wacky perfectionist am I raising here?
We do manage the walk I mentioned, so part one of my plan is accomplished. Then, we hurriedly eat lunch to go to the dollar theatre to see Up. Only, we get there in time to be persons #1,467, 1,468, 1,469 and 1,470 in line with only one poor soul working the ticket booth. I quickly reassess and determine that we can get a Red Box movie and eat snacks at home.
The kids each pick their favorite snack--Ryanna picks popcorn and Owen picks dried fruit. Yes, dried fruit. Apparently there's some good parenting going on sometime at our home. I watch about 20 minutes of the movie and fall asleep.
Finally, we end the day by visiting Organ Stop Pizza. The kids love, love, love this place. The pizza's not Papa John's, but it's fine and the organ is really cool for the kids.
Whew, I'm ready for those kids to go to sleep! What a day.

It May Be 106, But Summer's Over!

Yes, today marked the first day of first grade. A very exciting day for me and Ryanna. Although as of yesterday she couldn't decide if she was excited about it or not. She'd been telling everyone all summer that first grade was serious business because, "If you don't put your name on your paper, it goes straight to the trash!" So grown up, not like kindergarten at all.

I tried to get a gorgeous shot of her out with the green beauty that is my yard (who placed that nearly dead plant in my yard?), but the sun was a bit in her eyes and so I got some shots, but nothing that's going to change the world.

You know what will change the world though? Nine months of mobility and some carpet. That's right, we left our home a week and a half ago headed for cooler temperatures and family gatherings and came home with a completely mobile child. He's climbing everywhere and onto anything he can. Luckily, my kids come assembled with short legs, so he's not going up the stairs yet. He just crawls up to the first one and stands up next to it and slaps it with his hands as if to say, "Just wait, just wait!"

Talents, talents, talents

Each child has unique talents. Here is my little smorgasbord. I have to just grin from ear to ear when I watch this one:

Then I have to laugh at Owen for his decision of which number is the correct number to stop at. Why do we count to ten and stop anyway? And, of course, once you get your camera out, a child is never going to do exactly what you've seen them do a million times in a row.

Okay, take two:

Now, for the singing. Ryanna's teacher loves to teach them new songs and Ryanna loves to sing them to us. Sometimes we learn the words too. Sometimes we sing a verse or two and sometimes we leave in the middle. Either way, it's entertaining.

And, for those of you who just can't wait for the next installment of cuteness from my kids, wait till Saturday. There will be violin!

Was It a Full Moon Last Night?

Or what was the real reason that all three of my kids were up at different times last night?

The baby--I expect to be up--especially since we're attempting to change him from sleeping in his car seat to sleeping in his bassinet. Yes, a bassinet. We're still debating the bedding situation and the solution.

We fell asleep close to midnight and at exactly midnight the baby decided to eat again. There's nothing like a 10 minute power nap to energize you for the next day.

Around 2 Ryanna woke up and walked in and told us she was scared. Normally Derek walks her back to her room and comforts her a bit and puts her back to sleep, but he must've been as exhausted as I was 'cause she joined me, Eli and Derek in the bed.

Really, we should've saved ourselves the trouble and woken up Owen and put him in bed with us too. Why not? The more the merrier right? I mean our bed is a queen after all. Only about three feet smaller than a king and really, don't you love to snuggle with your child on one side while your baby nurses the other side of you? Do we women ever stop multi-tasking?

Finally, around four, when I was about to begin another nursing session, I told Derek to carry Ryanna back to her bed. Shortly after her placement there and the nursing session ends, Owen wakes up. I sent Derek in to negotiate that situation.

Luckily, Derek got to sleep in till 6 am and I was able to eek out another 43 minutes after that. We're so spoiled. I mean, who really needs more than about 4 hours of sleep each night anyway? And it definitely doesn't have to be consecutive hours. That's so weak! Isn't this how the military trains our troops for tough missions?

Finding the Time

This holiday season, in fact all holiday seasons since I had children, has been hectic. I always enter the month of December with so much expectation and excitement. I want to do the 12 days of Christmas for someone, I want to make homemade treats and deliver them to all my friends, I want to make homemade gifts for loved ones, I want to go see the lights at the temple, I want to do a cookie exchange, I want to send out Christmas cards, I want to put up the tree with my family while Christmas music plays in the background, I want to help my children understand the true meaning of Christmas, I want to make homemade crafts with my children, I want to help my daughter learn to play her Christmas song perfectly, I want to make sure Owen gets more opportunity to be included in the events of the season while not ignoring the baby either. I'm sure there's more that has escaped my mind or I've repressed in order to survive.
Some of these things got done, others didn't or haven't yet (there are still some days left). The problem I'm finding is time. I want to do all of these good things--I really do. The predicament is doing these things with kindness in my heart and patience for those around me--more specifically my children.
Perhaps I'm the only person with this flaw, but I'm willing to confess it--I am not patient. I get irritated when I can't get everything done that I have on my list to do. I am all about lists. I can't sleep without them--literally. I wake-up in the night and just lie there until I've written it down and mapped out a plan of action. Sick, sick, sick.
In all of my desire to bring a little bit of joy to those around me, I often feel like I'm bringing no joy to my own children. I lose patience for Ryanna's million questions and slow processes, I lose patience for Owen's messes and his ignoring me, I beg Eli to hold off from receiving attention/food/whatever so I can just get "one more thing done!"
All of this leads me to my resolutions for next year. Gaining patience would be the obvious goal. Yes and no. I'm not naive enough to believe I'm going to reach that goal in one year let alone one life, but I can do something about making better time for my children. I want to do more one on one activities with them. The obvious connection between that and patience is not readily visible. Dealing with three children at one time has been quite a new and trying experience for me. However, one child at a time is not only more manageable, it's even fun.
Last night Ryanna and I took a cookie making class together. I signed us up for it a couple of weeks ago. I was under the assumption that we would be making the cookies together--which didn't actually happen--but we still had an hour and a half of time with just the two of us. It was fun to learn some new things and just have her by my side. There is such joy in spending time with your child when really can let yourself unwind.
So, my goal for this next year--one of them and perhaps the most important one--is to make more quality time for our little family. Our lives already feel so busy and I know it'll only get more crazy, but I truly believe that the most important days are these--while my kids are young. I need to use this time being a good mom. I just don't want to look back at this time and wish I'd spent it gaining close relationships instead of to-doing every day. It's going to be tricky no doubt, but it is definitely a worthwhile goal.

Pumpkin Shirts!

On Monday, the kids and I decided to get a bit crafty and have some fun. I had found this tye-die project in a magazine that I get called Family Fun, so we gave it a try. (I would post a link, but there isn't one on their website.) It was really quite easy and we had a lot of fun making it happen. You can follow our process below. (And yes, that's Owen smiling--it's all he does for a smile anymore.)

Trippin'?

I used to be able to just think about travel in very simplistic terms:
How long is it going to take?
How much gas money will I need?
How many meals/snacks will I be consuming?
Can I get a book on tape or some music to sing really loud to?

These were all very logical questions and easily answered--BEFORE kids.
Since I've now had two kids, things have changed. These are the questions I think about:
1. Can we time this trip mostly around Owen's nap time?
2. How many different movies will I need to pack, so that the kids will stay entertained for the required amount of time?
3. What snacks can I bring that will do the least amount of damage to the car?
4. How many days are we going to be at ________ before we leave? Because trying to convince Owen to get back in that car the second time may cause what people call a coniption.
5. How can I position the kids in the back seat to where Ryanna can care for most of Owen's needs, so I won't have to turn around and make myself sick?
AND, if I'm pregnant like I am now:
6. How many hours is this going to take? My bum starts to seriously ache from the added weight and shift of the baby.

We leave for Utah tomorrow and I'm starting to get nervous about the 14 hours or so it'll take to get up there. Can you tell?

Why I'm Going to Love This...

About three weeks ago, I got the news that the Bishop wanted to see me. You know that means something new to do. I was actually excited to get in and get involved in this ward because we've been here since the last week in August and I still had no calling other than being a visiting teacher. So, Derek, the kids and I headed to the Bishop's office to find out what awaited me.
I like to think of myself as a very willing participant--someone who realizes the importance in the small callings. Especially after being Relief Society President in my last ward, I appreciated those people who took their smaller callings seriously, allowing my job to run smoothly.
That being said, when the Bishop asked me to be the Assistant Nursery Coordinator, I was a bit disheartened. I accepted of course because, like I said, I'm willing to help and not every calling is glamorous. However, it was a very hard day for me following this news because I don't feel like the nursery calling utilizes my natural talents in anyway. One of my only talents (the other talent is eating) is being organized. I asked the Bishop if I should contact the Nursery leader to find out what I should do and he said, "Nah, just show up." That made me feel worse, thinking, "Great, I'm just going to be hanging out in the nursery all day."
I realize that callings are supposed to help us to grow in areas where we are weak and apparently I still haven't mastered what this calling is supposed to teach me because this is my third time in this calling in the last 4 years. It's still hard for me though because I'm with small kids all week long and I'm one of those people who goes to church and is actually willing to participate and enjoys learning while I'm there. I know plenty of people who would vie for this job because they just endure church. That's not me.
So, today I was sustained in my new calling and I showed up at the nursery only to find no other adults and a bunch of kids running around. I don't know what happened to the coordinator today, but she didn't show up. Luckily, there was another couple there who knew the kids and helped me out. It actually wasn't bad and the time went pretty fast.
The best part though was feeling a little connection to the kids. I really did feel a little close to them--one of the blessings of a calling. It's not that I don't like other people's kids, but nursery is a lot of kids running around usually and you, as the director, trying to keep them from hurting themselves or each other. One of the little girls sat on my lap during singing time and told me how beautiful my shirt was and was so sweet. Aren't children fun? This same girl asked me to take her to the bathroom and this is where the conversation occured that made my day.
We arrive at the bathroom stall. I asked her, "Do you need any help or can you do it yourself?" She replied that she could do it herself. While she's using the bathroom, I'm standing outside the stall door and then she says the following:
Kennedy: "My mom says that I'm going to have to start wiping better."
Me: "Oh yeah? That's a good idea."
Kennedy: "Yeah, she said if I don't wipe better I'm going to get an infection."
Me: "Oh no, that wouldn't be good."
Kennedy: "Yeah, and it will last a long time and hurt a lot."

I can hardly wait to find out all of the secrets in the ward. You know I'm going to hear it all. This is going to be so fun!

That's the Good Stuff

Yesterday, after having gone through several boxes, (I am still unpacking) I was taking a break when Ryanna asked me, "Mom, can I go play in the sprinklers outside?" I was about to open my mouth and say, "no," when it dawned on me. Yes, yes, she can go outside and run through my very own sprinkler, that I own, on my very own grass, that I own, in my backyard that is completely fenced in. That fence--I own it too!

So, I sent her upstairs to put on her swimsuit, so she could go and run through the sprinklers in the backyard. She had a blast. She just kept running back and forth and back and forth. It seemed a bit tedious really, but she had fun. I even let Owen crawl around on the patio area. He was in close enough range that the sprinkler would get him too and he loved it. He didn't love it more than the tasty looking rocks that were nearby, but he was entertained as well.

I went inside to get something and on my way back outside, I could see my kids in the yard and it just looked so idyllic. I stopped for a second and thought, this is it. This is what Derek and I have worked so hard to achieve. We wanted a house with a yard for our kids to play in and now we have it. We are so blessed. I was filled with such happiness and I thought, "Wow, I love this!"

Oh yeah, that first paragraph wasn't completely honest. The bank actually owns all of this stuff, but they don't care that I live here and do what I want. It's a great arrangement.

Just settled down for a long night's CHAT?

One of my favorite things to do is to eat out. I absolutely love it. We usually only do it once a week to be frugal and it's probably better for my figure that way anyway, but it's still one of my favorite things. Now, what goes better with good food than good conversation? I'm not talking about my typical dinner conversation which usually goes like this:

Me: "Ryanna, please eat. If you're not going to eat your food when we go out, I'm going to have you eat before we leave home. Owen, please stop screaming. Derek, please help me deal with the kids."

Ryanna: "Mom, I need to go to the bathroom."

Me: "What? I asked you to go before we left the house." At this point my food is barely warm enough to eat anyway.

Derek: "Owen, stop throwing food all over the floor."

It goes on like this ad nauseum when it's a family night on the town. However, when it's just me and Derek, I love to chat. I get really excited about having an uniterrupted conversation. Any of you with children old enough to speak are shaking your heads in understanding here. So, why is it that when we go to eat, sometimes I'm left with nothing to say? I don't know, I can't quite figure it out sometimes, but I did discover the best place to create a longer conversation than you'll ever want to have--your bed.
Seriously, can any of you relate to this? Derek and I crawled into bed last night sometime before 10 pm and we didn't go to sleep until about midnight. For some reason, we get really philosophical as well as goal oriented when everything else in the house is silent.
Why does this happen? Why can't these amazing conversations happen at restaurants? What is it about the time right before I drift off to sleep that I start to remember all of these random stories and ideas I couldn't recall until then?