Since I often gets posts requesting me to tell my secrets of what makes my marriage to Derek so wonderful (okay, I don't, but the idea isn't that farfetched--we have a great marriage). I thought I would share some scientific data that the NY Times just recently wrote about here. Don't be a slacker, read it. It's like two pages long. Since some of you inevitably aren't going to read it and since I'm going to tell you what I think anyway, here it goes.
What it said was that your husband should give you back massages every night before you drift off to dreamland as well as make sure your fridge is stocked with your favorite ice cream. Okay, maybe it doesn't say that, but I can tell you those would work to improve marriage too. What it really does say is:
"Most studies of love and marriage show that the decline of romantic love over time is inevitable. The butterflies of early romance quickly flutter away and are replaced by familiar, predictable feelings of long-term attachment.
But several experiments show that novelty — simply doing new things together as a couple — may help bring the butterflies back, recreating the chemical surges of early courtship. [The same chemicals involved in drug addiction and obsessive-compulsive disorder.]"
But several experiments show that novelty — simply doing new things together as a couple — may help bring the butterflies back, recreating the chemical surges of early courtship. [The same chemicals involved in drug addiction and obsessive-compulsive disorder.]"
They also tested people by having them do the same activities they usually do and it didn't stimulate their brains the same way as trying new things. So, are you feeling like you've hit a dating slump? Get creative--what is an activity you've never tried? Where's somewhere you've never been? One of the doctors even said, "better yet, don't make plans, and see what happens to you." (That was said in a positive tone for those of us who are obsessive planners such as myself. In my mind I hear that as a warning, but here it's positive.)
I thought it was especially applicable this last week since it was Valentine's Day. I met Derek downtown and we went to a restaurant (Switch) and then went to hear Sheri Dew speak at the ASU Institute building. I wouldn't usually consider listening to a speaker the most romantic way to spend the holiday, but it was planned for that night, so there were no other options. I DO consider a night of anything with my husband a fun time though.
Anyway, I've never met Derek for dinner by his office, I've never eaten at that restaurant and I've never gone to hear Sheri Dew speak before. A night of firsts and it felt like such a wonderful time!
It's really given me motivation to not fall into the same ruts. We got on this kick a couple of years ago where we'd eat Panda Express almost every weekend and I remember thinking those nights were pretty average. Great that the weekend was here, but could've been better. Realizing that it's not possible to always do new things and there is definitely something to be said for familiarity from time to time, I still want to make our date life even better!
