This holiday season, in fact all holiday seasons since I had children, has been hectic. I always enter the month of December with so much expectation and excitement. I want to do the 12 days of Christmas for someone, I want to make homemade treats and deliver them to all my friends, I want to make homemade gifts for loved ones, I want to go see the lights at the temple, I want to do a cookie exchange, I want to send out Christmas cards, I want to put up the tree with my family while Christmas music plays in the background, I want to help my children understand the true meaning of Christmas, I want to make homemade crafts with my children, I want to help my daughter learn to play her Christmas song perfectly, I want to make sure Owen gets more opportunity to be included in the events of the season while not ignoring the baby either. I'm sure there's more that has escaped my mind or I've repressed in order to survive.
Some of these things got done, others didn't or haven't yet (there are still some days left). The problem I'm finding is time. I want to do all of these good things--I really do. The predicament is doing these things with kindness in my heart and patience for those around me--more specifically my children.
Perhaps I'm the only person with this flaw, but I'm willing to confess it--I am not patient. I get irritated when I can't get everything done that I have on my list to do. I am all about lists. I can't sleep without them--literally. I wake-up in the night and just lie there until I've written it down and mapped out a plan of action. Sick, sick, sick.
In all of my desire to bring a little bit of joy to those around me, I often feel like I'm bringing no joy to my own children. I lose patience for Ryanna's million questions and slow processes, I lose patience for Owen's messes and his ignoring me, I beg Eli to hold off from receiving attention/food/whatever so I can just get "one more thing done!"
All of this leads me to my resolutions for next year. Gaining patience would be the obvious goal. Yes and no. I'm not naive enough to believe I'm going to reach that goal in one year let alone one life, but I can do something about making better time for my children. I want to do more one on one activities with them. The obvious connection between that and patience is not readily visible. Dealing with three children at one time has been quite a new and trying experience for me. However, one child at a time is not only more manageable, it's even fun.
Last night Ryanna and I took a cookie making class together. I signed us up for it a couple of weeks ago. I was under the assumption that we would be making the cookies together--which didn't actually happen--but we still had an hour and a half of time with just the two of us. It was fun to learn some new things and just have her by my side. There is such joy in spending time with your child when really can let yourself unwind.
So, my goal for this next year--one of them and perhaps the most important one--is to make more quality time for our little family. Our lives already feel so busy and I know it'll only get more crazy, but I truly believe that the most important days are these--while my kids are young. I need to use this time being a good mom. I just don't want to look back at this time and wish I'd spent it gaining close relationships instead of to-doing every day. It's going to be tricky no doubt, but it is definitely a worthwhile goal.