Saturday, October 27, 2007

Yard Work--not for the pure in heart!

Derek and I spent the day preparing our yard to plant our winter grass. Yep--that's right, winter grass. In Arizona you have two seasons for grass and every winter you have to replant. So, we decided to do it today.

In preparation for planting the grass, I went to Home Depot to get us a rake. I found one that I thought would do an awesome job. Unfortunately, it did. It did too good of a job in fact and you couldn't rake more than two feet without breaking out in a sweat because the prongs grabbed the grass so deeply. So...Derek sent me back to Home Depot to get another rake and he also asked me to get a shovel and a file to sharpen it.

A few side notes here: I did not know until last week that a shovel had to be sharpened. Also, Wal-Mart used to be the establishment that ate up most of our money, but Home Depot is quickly taking on that title.

Anyway, I find the rake and the shovel no problem, but I didn't know where to find the file. Since their motto is: "You can do it. We can help," I went in search of a helpful sales associate. The guy took me to the files, picked one out and handed it to me.

The following conversation ensued:

Me: "Is this the right file?" (There were several lengths of files to choose from.)

Him: "Yes. This should be fine for what you need."

At this point I look down at the package to read it and am startled to see what must be a typo. I point to the word and say to the salesclerk

Me: "What is this about?"

He looks at the word and gets this embarassed look on his face and says, "Oh...that's not what you think it is..." Though he couldn't explain exactly what it was though.
For all you file masters out there, you must know what I'm talking about. For you file novices such as myself I'll enlighten you. The box said "Bas*ard." What? Yes. You read that correctly. I know you're not going to believe me, so you'll just have to go to Home Depot and see for yourself. You can also click here and type in the abovementioned word and see that I'm telling the truth.

Now, I didn't even realize till I was about 18 that there are "male" and "female" parts to objects such as outlets. When I first heard it, I thought the guy was just trying to be funny. Nope. He was serious.
Last month when my husband and I were making a list of what items we'd need to buy for yard care, my husband said he'd need a hoe. Of course, you can probably imagine what kind of comments that lead to. I told him that he could have one, but I better never find it in our home and he better keep it outside, etc.

I'm starting to really wonder how much more home improvement or gardening I can be involved in and keep a clean mind.

And, since we're on the subject, I have to tell you about the conversation Ryanna and I had a couple days ago when I gave her and Owen a bath.

Ryanna: "Mom, what is that?" pointing to Owen's male anatomy

Me: "What?" hoping she is not pointing to his male anatomy

Ryanna: "That!" pointing to Owen's male anatomy

Me: "That's Owen's private boy parts."

Ryanna: "But what is it called?"

Me: "That's his pe___" (I'm not going to type the word out hoping to avoid somehow causing a bunch of weirdos to accidentally link to my blog.)

Ryanna: "Oh! His peanuts."

I'm still laughing...


Lacey said...

Yard work- takes me back to my childhood and the 9 acres we grew up on! Thankfully, living in La. there is no need for planting grass...but alot of pulling weeds, picking up pinecones, and picking whatever my dad was growing in the garden! Being the only girl, I never had to mow the grass! We couldn't use a push lawn mower anyway! My dad would seriously die if he saw how small the yards are out here!

Kelli said...

When we lived in Mesa all of our money was eaten up by the monster we all like to call Wal-Mart. Now that we own a house, it is all eaten up by Home Depot, so I can totally relate. They have everything you need and more. It seems like we can always find something to buy when we go there. So we only go when we really have to! At least now that we live in Utah I only have to plant one type of grass, yippee!

JenW said...

good job doing the yard work! and that story about ryanna and owen is hilarious...i feel that i will probably have a similar one with ethan about avery and why they are different

Zim Family said...

That story is hilarious. I cannot stop laughing. And I hate Home Depot. They are going to make me a very poor person dangit.

Lolly said...

the Ryanna/Owen story is hilarious! I didn't think that planting winter grass was that hard. . . then again Chris did it.

DONNA said...

Can you imagine having all of Gram and Pop's place to keep up? I actually don't know how Gram and Pop do everything that they do! They have taken that piece of property and turned it into a masterpiece...just beautiful!!! So, with that said, you've got it in your genes! You go GIRL!!!

Since Sherm is a biologist he always insisted that we address everything upfront and by the correct biological name. Needless to say, he's not the boss of me and that's why Kelli still calls it her Va JJ.

wackywilsons said...

Very funny story!!! I can't wait to see the final results! for sure post pics of before and after shots...and you look hot with that lawn mower:)

Jack and Annie said...

Here is the question I want to know...DID YOU GUYS BUY A LAWN MOWER YET!?!?! If you said yes..then hooray you are offically a home owner..if you said no well tell D to get over it and buy one! LOL JK

Oh and that tub conversation was pretty funny!

brooke said...

Yeah for yard work!! Seriously just had the same conversation with Isaac. He tells me the other day I have a winkie , Ainsley has a "jj" (we watched operah and she calls it a va-- add the two letters and thats what Isaac calls it now) He now knows boys and girls are different! Makes for some great conversation !!

SHERI said...

You guys crack me up. Home Depot has sucked up a lot of our money too. Welcome to Home Ownership!

brooke said...

You are so funny Audrey. That's the only scene that comes to mind when I think of that movie. Well that and when she starts knocking out that wall. It's been years since I have seen it though! I did tell one of the cashiers that she had a big mess to go fix, as I was leaving. Nothing too mean though. The meanness was running through my mind :)

Lara said...

Okay, so you now have proof that men just give these things names so that they can justify using foul language.

Honey! It's not what you think...I was talking about digging a hole in the yard...

Yeah, right. :)