Thursday, August 27, 2009

The Reluctant Hero

Apparently even if your blood pressure is really low normally, you are still able to give blood. Even if that means that your blood pressure is say 91/58 like mine was this morning. Is it really trying to do a good deed when you go into it hoping that they will send you home? You know, like the kid who lost his right eye in 6th grade wood shop, but still tries to enlist as a sniper for the marines. Well, that was me about 6 hours ago.
I don't like needles, I can't watch them draw blood or give me shots or I pass out. My blood pressure is never high. Doesn't that disqualify me? Dang it, sorry, but I tried. I'll be going now, but where's that treat table that you have for everyone who comes?
WHAT? I can still donate with blood pressure like that? Okay then, ask me those questions again, maybe I forgot that I recently visited Europe and stayed there for over 5 years. I'm already feeling a little nauseated over the whole thing and perhaps it slipped my mind...
All right I'll follow you but, I go, like a lamb to the slaughter, to lie on one of those glorified lawn chairs while the girl tries to get one of my veins to pop out. No luck on the right arm. No duh, my veins are hiding, they know better. Stupid left arm veins. Can't you stay down there where you belong?
Why do you need to scrub my arm for 30 seconds? Isn't that the kind of torture I endure on my exercise videos? Hold that push up for 30 seconds, come on...you can do it. No I can't and I don't want to and please don't put that thing in my arm.
Too late, okay then, where can I look to not think about this situation? Let's see that guy straight across from me...Ugh, no I don't want to watch the blood flowing out of him. Why is he smiling? Show off. What is the deal with the blood see saw thingy? Is that supposed to help me throw up? What are we making cocktails for vampires later?
Why is it that blood can look so pretty, bright and red when it's only a drop or two, but when you see it flowing through a tube it looks like you've consumed serious Hershey's and your blood is mixed with equal parts chocolate? Ugh, why am I here again? Oh yeah, help the community, do a good deed, don't faint, don't look anywhere but to the people who are helping to check us in. Why did they dim the lights in here anyway? What are they trying to hide?
How much of my blood are they going to take by the way? My hand can barely squeeze that little contraption they've given me and I'm not feeling so hot. I'm sure they've taken every last ounce out of my left arm...can my arm work with no blood in it?
I'm done? YAY, let me the heck out of here. NO, I don't feel well. Was the first clue the fact that my arm shriveled up and looks like a six year old's? My face is white because you took all the blood out of every part of me? All right, I'll lie here for a minute, but only because you're making me.
Okay, I feel all better. Why can't I go? Baby steps? What? I have some grocery shopping to do, a cake to make at home, lots of things to do. All right, all right, I'll hold off for a while and try to relax while you drain the life out of everyone else. Maybe I should yell out a warning to those innocent victims waiting to be put through this same torture.
Phew, I made it out of there. This was a lot worse than I thought it would be. I hope whoever gets that blood really needs it because I don't think my body is keen on giving up what it worked so hard to make.

10 comments:

Melissa said...

I also hate blood, needles and have a hard time even talking about it with out getting sick. Sorry to say, I couldn't read all of your post. It was just a little too graphic for me. I had to close my eyes and go to my happy place. If you say the word "vein" near me I start getting nauseous. Anyway, I hope you made it through and didn't pass out. It's embarrassing!

Mama Corleone said...

What a sacrifice! I have no problem with needles etc., but to hear your perspective will make me even more humbled the next time I need a little blood. And yes, I have needed it quite a few times, as well as two of my children. So thanks for for your bloooood. Wooohaha....

Lara said...

Wow, that is some seriously low BP. Cool. :)

I actually really enjoy giving blood. Is that weird?

Lyndsey said...

I am sooo with you on this! Only luckily I have some odd blood disorder that causes me no problems at all and that I am grateful for because they don't want my blood. yeah! But I am proud of you for doing it!

Cari.Ryan Florence said...

Unfortunately the low blood pressure doesn't get you out of anything. Mine is usually 86/53, so super low. My favorite part is watching people take my blood pressure and assume they've done it wrong and try it again... cracks me up every time!

For me, the worst was donating plasma for Jami before her heart surgery. You're literally in the chair for an hour... yuck! But what a good deed you've done :)

Laura Law said...

I donated blood once. Two of the three techs could not detect my pulse. It only went downhill from there....

rachel said...

AHHH! Blessings in heaven for you!! Wouldn't it be cool to find out who actually got that. This one is on my "not fun" list right next to jury duty. Kudos to you for doing it!

Dahly Mama said...

Great post! Made me laugh, Audrey! That wasn't the day of book club and the day of your famous "tort" cake was it???? If so, I am truly impressed!
Give blood, make cake. Is there anything you can't do?
Next time you give blood call me, I'll go with you-- I don't mind it at all. Only problem is, that half the time my iron levels are too low for them. It's a gamble when I do go. Will they? Won't they??? I can't take the rejection!!

Jessica Martiele said...

Still laughing. Seriously. And it's TOTALLY a good deed; after all, you practically bled to death to help out some poor helpless sap who needs it, right? I did that once, too...and I mean once. The chick forgot me. My blood bag was twice the size of everyone else's; baseball sized and round. I saw it...and then passed out. Next thing I remember was having a really fat nose from bashing my face on the floor, being lifted by a couple orderlies so I could lie down. Turns out when they take waaaaay too much, THEY CAN'T EVEN USE IT. Total waste, including the 3 hours I was there. At least I was unconscious when they took out the needle, right? And I got 4 cookies and 3 OJs...

TOTALLY counts as a good deed. Thrilled or not, you still selflessly experienced torture so some texting teenager who gets herself into a wreck can text again. Aaaaaaah, medicine...

jayne said...

I have the same blood disease as Lyndsey---I'm actually not sure they care, but I've NEVER bothered to check it out. I'm sure it matters. And they wouldn't take me. Sometimes ignorance is bliss. I'm proud of you for actually doing it. Someone somewhere will be saved because of your donation.