Texting: The New Anti-Social Problem?

I'm not hip. I'm not in the loop. Therefore, I have never in my life sent a text. I know, I know, how have I survived? How do I know what's going on in the outside world? Well, I have these little devices called a computer and a telephone. Yes, my cell phone has texting capabilities--I only know because I've received some texts from one of my girlfriends.
Yes, I know about how much people want to constantly communicate, but of course, not by ever hearing or seeing each other. When my friend got divorced, she was eventually thrust into the world of dating once again. While we were visiting one day, her phone was going berserk. It wasn't phone calls though, it was the new way to stay in touch--texting. Of course I was curious..
Me: "Why is your phone vibrating all the time? You must have a million people trying to reach you."
Her: "No, it's just people texting me."
Me: "Why would they do that when it takes so much time? Isn't it a lot easier to call?"
Her: "Well, once you've done it for a while, it's actually pretty fast. This is how people communicate these days; they text. No one calls each other much."
Me: (baffled) "It seems like a lot of work to me..."
I'm still baffled by the cell phone/twitter/texting phenomenon. Since cell phones became available to the average Joe about 15 years ago, it seems that everywhere you go people are on their cell phones. Whether they are talking or texting, it seems that we Americans feel the need to be constantly in touch. What is it that is sooo important that we couldn't say it from the privacy of our homes? What is that text that we absolutely can't wait to send off that is causing us to drive extremely slow and without looking at the road/cars/pedestrians in front of us? I don't know, I guess I must be just out of it.
However, haven't you started wondering about the stats on this crazy addiction? There's a great NY Times piece here that talks all about it. Some of the interesting info I found was:

Dr. Martin Joffe, a pediatrician in Greenbrae, Calif., recently surveyed students at two local high schools and said he found that many were routinely sending hundreds of texts every day.
“That’s one every few minutes,” he said. “Then you hear that these kids are responding to texts late at night. That’s going to cause sleep issues in an age group that’s already plagued with sleep issues.”

AND

“Among the jobs of adolescence are to separate from your parents, and to find the peace and quiet to become the person you decide you want to be,” she said. “Texting hits directly at both those jobs.”
Psychologists expect to see teenagers break free from their parents as they grow into autonomous adults, Professor Turkle went on, “but if technology makes something like staying in touch very, very easy, that’s harder to do; now you have adolescents who are texting their mothers 15 times a day, asking things like, ‘Should I get the red shoes or the blue shoes?’ ”

Of course the physical problems too:

Texting may also be taking a toll on teenagers’ thumbs. Annie Wagner, 15, a ninth-grade honor student in Bethesda, Md., used to text on her tiny LG phone as fast as she typed on a regular keyboard. A few months ago, she noticed a painful cramping in her thumbs. (Lately, she has been using the iPhone she got for her 15th birthday, and she says texting is slower and less painful.)
Peter W. Johnson, an associate professor of environmental and occupational health sciences at the University of Washington, said it was too early to tell whether this kind of stress is damaging. But he added,
“Based on our experiences with computer users, we know intensive repetitive use of the upper extremities can lead to musculoskeletal disorders, so we have some reason to be concerned that too much texting could lead to temporary or permanent damage to the thumbs.”

I guess as much as I'm baffled by the whole situation, I'm also a little disturbed. What's it going to be like when my daughter enters this stage? I don't want to be texting her a million times a day to find her. I've heard other adults who interact with teenagers say that the only way they can reach them is through texting--that they don't respond to phone calls or email anymore. Wow. Isn't it sad that technology that is supposed to be bringing us closer to each other is actually causing a bit of a wedge in the way that interact? I mean, I don't feel comfortable calling you, but I will take a few seconds to send you some text?

As great as this internet/wireless situation is, there are some serious downsides to it as well. I recently read this great talk by David A. Bednar where he shared this story:

Ric Hoogestraat is “a burly [53-year-old] man with a long gray ponytail, thick sideburns and a salt-and-pepper handlebar mustache. … [Ric spends] six hours a night and often 14 hours at a stretch on weekends as Dutch Hoorenbeek, his six-foot-nine, muscular … cyber-self. The character looks like a younger, physically enhanced version of [Ric].”
“[He] sits at his computer with the blinds drawn. … While his wife, Sue, watches television in the living room, Mr. Hoogestraat chats online with what appears on the screen to be a tall, slim redhead.
“He’s never met the woman outside of the computer world of Second Life, a well-chronicled digital fantasyland. … He’s never so much as spoken to her on the telephone. But their relationship has taken on curiously real dimensions. They own two dogs, pay a mortgage together and spend hours [in their cyberspace world] shopping at the mall and taking long motorcycle rides. … Their bond is so strong that three months ago, Mr. Hoogestraat asked Janet Spielman, the 38-year-old Canadian woman who controls the redhead, to become his virtual wife.
“The woman he’s legally wed to is not amused. ‘It’s really devastating,’ says Sue Hoogestraat, … who has been married to Mr. Hoogestraat for seven months.”

Isn't it super tricky that to think that when we're texting we're really being social, but in all actuality:
"important opportunities are missed for developing and improving interpersonal skills, for laughing and crying together, and for creating a rich and enduring bond of emotional intimacy. Progressively, seemingly innocent entertainment can become a form of pernicious enslavement.
To feel the warmth of a tender hug from an eternal companion or to see the sincerity in the eyes of another person as testimony is shared—all of these things experienced as they really are through the instrument of our physical body—could be sacrificed for a high fidelity fantasy that has no lasting value." (Bednar's talk again)

I just know that for me, there's something so dangerous about anything that is so addictive that it causes us physical pain and prevents us from making decisions on our own. I know it is certainly something that has value in many instances, but I just have to wonder, where's it going to lead?

Marley & Me

We watched this movie last night after hearing from a friend that it was a cute movie. There's a lot more to this movie than a crazy dog. In fact, it made me think about my own life as a good movie should do. Warning--there are some spoiler details in here--but you should read my post anyway, just 'cause you love me and you need to see the movie too!

Jennifer Aniston's character is a journalist just like her husband. After some time married, they decide they want to have a child. As they excitedly go in for their first ultra-sound, they discover that she has had a miscarriage. You can see how devastated she is by the experience and how her husband is at such a loss to comfort her. When I had my miscarriage, I was devastated as well. Devastated at the loss of the baby, devastated that my nicely planned life wasn't working out, devastated by my own body's betrayal. It's such a hard situation. I could see Derek's relation to Owen Wilson's character (Jon) as well in that he would give anything to comfort his wife, but there is nothing but love and time that can heal that wound.

Then, Jennifer Aniston's (whose name is the movie is also Jen) does get pregnant--twice--and she's trying to deal with two small children and a crazy dog. Boy, I related to that as well. Although I'm dealing with three small kids and a bunny. Same difference. Jon's typical homecoming is an exasperated wife, a messy house and a crazy dog. He tries to jump right in and help, but his wife has just had it and sometimes they end up arguing. Believe it or not, that wife sounds just like me on some bad days and that husband sounds just like Derek as well. Aren't both spouses really trying to do their best and hold it together while operating with little sleep and not knowing if they can mentally handle everything that's in front of them?

Then there was the other story line of Jon's best friend who never commits to anything but his career. He lives this glamourous life of women and travel moving from one thing to the next. Jon envies his friend's talent, but eventually the decision of family over career causes them to drift apart. Once again, this movie presents a great dilema. Some people who are our closest friends will make choices and value different options than we do. Eventually, some of these choices will cause our lives to go separate places. The movie allowed the friendship to remain, but the closeness disappears. Every relationship takes work--not just marriage, not just familial ties, friendships need nurturing or they die as well. And more than that, the movie really tried to show how you can still envy someone else's life, but in the end realize that you ended up with more even though you originally may have wanted someone else's set of circumstances.

There's a dialog by Jen in the movie that I can't quote exactly, but it really touched me. She talked about how she had made the choice to stay home and give up her career because she didn't want to miss her kids and she knew she was only doing each job half way. She goes on to say that though she chose to stay home, it didn't mean that the choice was easy or that she didn't feel the loss of herself, but that in the end, the sacrifice was worth it because life had given her more than she had planned.

Don't we stay at home mom's feel that? I chose to stay at home. I chose to not go to law school because more than anything, I wanted to be a mother. I wanted to be available for my kids. I wanted a family more than I wanted a career. There are certainly days where I think my husband has the by far easier job than me. But, I chose this and in every way I have been blessed and rewarded more than I anticipated and definitely more than I deserved.

Just the Way You Are!

A couple curious readers have asked what I scored for Mother's Day. I think my gifts show a perfect reflection that my husband loves me just the way I am (think Billy Joel here). Here's what I got:

• A dozen red roses the night before Mother's Day
• Dishtowels
• Dove peanut butter & chocolate treats
• A homemade frame, book and butterfly from Ryanna

• The Biggest Loser Cardioblast Workout

Now, before anyone goes nuts with the idea that my husband would buy me a workout tape for a gift and all of the hidden messages that sends--just stop. This isn't Father of the Bride--remember that blender and how it almost ruined the impending marriage? It really and truly is a great gift and I'll tell you why.


I love to exercise. Okay, maybe that's a lie. I like the way I feel when I'm done exercising. I like feeling like I pushed myself and worked my muscles and did something a little bit (or a lot) tough. I don't have a gym membership, but I do exercise every morning. Okay, every weekday morning anyway.


I rented this Biggest Loser workout video from the library to give it a try. I'm not going to deny that I was a bit cocky about the whole thing. I mean, those people are really, really big, so how hard could it be? Well, one of the really neat things about this tape is that it has several different options for how you want to exercise. Since I've been working out for months and months, I selected the hardest option. It did not disappoint. They aren't kidding when they say it's all cardio. It was great. I could hardly breathe at the end of the second section of cardio.


Now, what kind of mixed signal is it to get me a bag of chocolates to go with an exercise video. Well, in my world it isn't at all. It's my husband's way of noticing that I wanted a new video to do and knowing that I also have a very large sweet tooth that needs to be satiated as well. If anything, it shows me that he loves me Just the Way I Am. You know, go ahead and eat up, I don't care one little bit if you exercise, but since you loved this tape, I noticed and got it for you.


I do have to say that my husband has become better and better in our marriage at noticing comments I make and mentally storing those ideas for later. I love that he tries super hard to get me something that shows that he pays attention to me. I love flowers and those are beautiful sitting on my counter, but he also took the time to really know me and get me something I would love too.


I've already got one of his Father's Day presents and it's killing me to not give it to him. I'm so excited. I also am in process of getting the next one. I have to do a bit more research before I purchase it though. Isn't buying thoughtful gifts for people so fun?

Would I Do That?

So, my husband ordered me something for Mother's Day. How do I know? Well, he sent me an email and informed me it was coming in the mail and then guess what he said? "Don't spoil it." What is that supposed to mean? I have never opened a wrapped Christmas present or even picked one up and shaken it. I don't even search for gifts. Mostly because he's a last minute shopper, so there's no point anyway. BUT, even if he weren't a last minute shopper, I still wouldn't try to find them.
It is not my fault that I always look to see the name of the sender on letters. Don't we all do that? Sometimes those return addresses are dead giveaways for what's inside. Sometimes just the shape of the object gives it away. I can't help it that I'm good at deducing presents.
I actually like to be surprised. Okay, maybe not surprised with everything, but I do like a good surprise such as coming home to find all the dishes done, the kids in bed for the night and Cheesecake Factory cheesecake sitting on the table. And, it's only 4 o'clock. The kids need a good night's sleep every once in a while right? How do those lyrics go? Oh yeah--"Dream on, dream on...dream until your dreams come true..."
You know, my Mother's Day requests are getting more and more...what's the right word here? Homey, responsible, boring? I don't know, but here they are in random order:

1. New dish towels. They need to be terry cloth because those other kind don't clean up spills.
2. A set of decent sized no skid nesting bowls. I've searched Target, Wal-mart, Ross, Marshalls, etc. and still haven't found a set that suits me in terms of size or fit.
3. A sectional for our living room. I've been requesting this for a loooonnnggg time now.
4. A new dishwasher.
5. A steam cleaner for our carpets. We have cream colored carpet in our front room and children ages: 6, 2, and 7 months--need I say more?
6. Some new t-shirts. This is actually harder than you may think. I always find myself buying solid color shirts and I'm trying to branch out a bit. However, the three children mentioned in #5 make it very unfun and unproductive to shop for myself.

Well, now that I sound extremely boring and selfish, I'll stop. I'm sure that there are a million other want items, but these are probably the ones I think of all the time.

Our Song...

I love to sing in the car and apparently I play some songs my kids even like. There are requests that come from the back portions of the vehicle and I try to accomodate them. One of our favorite songs is by Taylor Swift. I thought I'd give you a sample of another great singer in our family. She loosens up a lot after the first minute. In fact, perhaps she loosens up a bit too much. I'm not sure what all the fancy footwork is about, but hey, the music gets in you and you can't fight it. And, well, you all know, "Nobody puts Baby in a corner!"

Of course Owen wanted to sing a bit himself. I had him do a solo, but decided it was a bit more fun to see the interaction of the two. Witness video number two which is just the first verse of the song.