Yeah!

Owen's favorite new word is "Yeah!" It's actually quite nice to hear this come out of his mouth as he has been saying "no" to eveything this last week while he's been sick.

Hope you have a great weekend!

I Don't Want to Hear It

I don't know if it's because Owen has been really whiny this week because he has this terrible cough or what, but I'm tired of hearing this, "Despite the fact that our marriage is dissolving, we're going to remain the best of friends. We are totally committed to making our friendship last." Or "I will always love so & so with all my heart, but our schedules have prevented us from making this marriage work."

I realize the various reasons why people end marriages is a private affair and it is none of my business, but what I don't want them to do is tell me that they are ending one of the most important bonds between people because of a scheduling conflict. You cancel playdates and nights out because of scheduling conflicts--you don't end marriages.

I also don't want them to tell me that they are going to still be best friends. Really? I married my husband because he was my best friend. I wanted to be around him all the time; I didn't think I could find anyone else better suited to my personal needs and desires. Have you ever read Little Women by Louisa M. Alcott? The ending to that books drives me bonkers because Jo, who has always been best friends with her next door neighbor, who is a male, does not marry him. In the end, they determine that the marriage would've never worked because they were the best of friends. What?!?!? Then you find out that the author never married and you think, "Yeah, now I know why this ending is ridiculous!"

Not that I want each spouse to come out swinging and throwing mud at each other. I just really don't want my kids to grow up hearing that people who were best friends just couldn't make it work. If they fall for this message, what will prevent them from thinking their own marriage is a failure when it isn't all fun and games. There is a lot of simple day-to-day monotony in every marriage. Not that I'm advocating staying in an abusive marriage or one that is unrepairable.

When I worked as a legal secretary/paralegal, we had a couple come into the office once who wanted a divorce. They were completely amicable with each other. They had already decided how everything was going to be divided and all they needed was an attorney to write up the legal papers. In my little experience with divorces, that one was the most difficult for me to understand. I just kept thinking, "Would a counselor be able to save this?" I wanted to see some passion, some anger, some...emotion!

So, next time one of these couples ends a less than perfect union, here's what I'd like to hear:

"We couldn't make this marriage work. I want a career more than I want a spouse." Or, "We got married in the heat of passion and have regretted not having any common goals to work toward." That's not good news, but it is the truth.

Two New Family Members

Our family grew by two members this week. On Tuesday, we got a bunny. His name is Hopper (or Hoppy if you prefer--he doesn't answer to either). I realize the name is extremely original for a bunny--he's a second-hand pet, so don't look at me.

(Owen loves how soft the bunny feels.)

Then, today I got a little boy. Yes, I used to have a baby. His name was Owen and his dimples were the cutest things ever made (just like his sister's). He was such a sweet little baby, but his dad decided that he looked too girlish with his curls in the back, so he got his first haircut today and now I have a little boy. He looks so grown-up and everytime I see him I can't quite believe it's him.

I also didn't realize this, but apparently he can feel every cut the scissors make and he was not a fan. He screamed and flailed the entire time. He's lucky it turned out so good. Even chocolate didn't calm him down and that always works (he's a little bit like me in that respect).

Rejuvenating Your Date Life

Since I often gets posts requesting me to tell my secrets of what makes my marriage to Derek so wonderful (okay, I don't, but the idea isn't that farfetched--we have a great marriage). I thought I would share some scientific data that the NY Times just recently wrote about here. Don't be a slacker, read it. It's like two pages long. Since some of you inevitably aren't going to read it and since I'm going to tell you what I think anyway, here it goes.

What it said was that your husband should give you back massages every night before you drift off to dreamland as well as make sure your fridge is stocked with your favorite ice cream. Okay, maybe it doesn't say that, but I can tell you those would work to improve marriage too. What it really does say is:

"Most studies of love and marriage show that the decline of romantic love over time is inevitable. The butterflies of early romance quickly flutter away and are replaced by familiar, predictable feelings of long-term attachment.
But several experiments show that novelty — simply doing new things together as a couple — may help bring the butterflies back, recreating the chemical surges of early courtship. [The same chemicals involved in drug addiction and obsessive-compulsive disorder.]"

They also tested people by having them do the same activities they usually do and it didn't stimulate their brains the same way as trying new things. So, are you feeling like you've hit a dating slump? Get creative--what is an activity you've never tried? Where's somewhere you've never been? One of the doctors even said, "better yet, don't make plans, and see what happens to you." (That was said in a positive tone for those of us who are obsessive planners such as myself. In my mind I hear that as a warning, but here it's positive.)

I thought it was especially applicable this last week since it was Valentine's Day. I met Derek downtown and we went to a restaurant (Switch) and then went to hear Sheri Dew speak at the ASU Institute building. I wouldn't usually consider listening to a speaker the most romantic way to spend the holiday, but it was planned for that night, so there were no other options. I DO consider a night of anything with my husband a fun time though.

Anyway, I've never met Derek for dinner by his office, I've never eaten at that restaurant and I've never gone to hear Sheri Dew speak before. A night of firsts and it felt like such a wonderful time!

It's really given me motivation to not fall into the same ruts. We got on this kick a couple of years ago where we'd eat Panda Express almost every weekend and I remember thinking those nights were pretty average. Great that the weekend was here, but could've been better. Realizing that it's not possible to always do new things and there is definitely something to be said for familiarity from time to time, I still want to make our date life even better!

So, you think YOU'RE tired?

Just watch it, it's only like 24 seconds long. My voice is quiet, so you'll have to turn up the volume.

Was it really all that bad?

This last weekend our stake held a 50s dance. I was hesitant to go because I'm not really much of a dancer (in public that is--I shake my groove thang in the privacy of my own house thank you very much). We did go and it was actually a lot of fun. We didn't dance a single song, but hung out with the other wallflowers and chatted.

Then, today I received a forward titled "The Good Wife's Guide" which was published in Housekeeping Monthly May 13, 1955. I'm sure you've all seen this before. It shows a woman cooking at a stove with her husband just arrived home from work and features such advice as:

• Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work weary people.


• Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and it is one of your duties to provide it.


• Be happy to see him.


• Listen to him. You may have important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first--remember his topics of conversation are more important than yours.


• Your goal: Try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order and tranquility where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.


• Arrange his pillow and offer to take his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.


• A good wife always knows her place.

This is in no way the entire list, but you can view it here. I realize some of these terms are a bit archaic and some of the practices antiquated (although I'm certainly no fashionista--maybe there are a bevy of you out there sporting beautiful bows in your hair--who am I to judge you?).
Usually my first reaction to stuff like this is, "Puh-leez. (That's "please" for those of you who don't spell in jive.) I have had a terrible, much worse and trying day than my husband. If anyone should be performing the aforementioned tasks, I would think he should be helping me to relax!" And, I'm sure there are days where that is true, but I have to wonder back to the date of publication for this text--1950s.
No, I wasn't around, but I've seen photos and movies from that era. I heard the average man only worked 40 hours a week. Do you believe it? I've heard most women thought it was a noble profession to be at home with their children to nuture and love them. There was no obesity epidemic raging through the US because people were eating fast food and other fatty treats instead of healthy meals. It was a big deal to be "going steady" with your high school sweetheart. The songs on the radio spoke of an innocent and tender love instead of treating women like objects and talking of intimacy with no boundaries.
You know, we think we've come so far, but have we really? In some ways we have, but certainly in other ways our ideas of progress have not benefitted anyone. This article for instance, we like to look at it and laugh and think, "Oh brother. As if a woman should HAVE to do that for her husband these days." Isn't that where our thinking has strayed? The idea that there is an obligation instead of a willingness to love our spouse. I can't tell you how many emails I've received that make fun of men and show the obvious superior intelligence of women. Sometimes I do chuckle, but more often than not lately, I've begun to try and change my view and think, "How would I feel if this was a foward my husband had received about how stupid I was as a woman?" Not so funny then.
I'm not one to say we women need to stay in the kitchen and keep our mouths shut and live in the shadows of our spouses. On the contrary, a good husband will allow his wife to shine because he doesn't feel threatened or intimidated by her in the least. At least that's how my husband makes me feel. I have my talents and he has his and together we're so much better than we could ever be separately.
So, next time I think how hard my day has been or how much more I do around the house than he does or how unfair it is that he gets to leave this difficult business of caring for the children to me, I'm going to try and remember this quote that I need to remind myself of more often:
"I am satisfied that a happy marriage is not so much a matter of romance as it is an anxious concern for the comfort and well-being of one’s companion.
Selfishness so often is the basis of money problems, which are a very serious and real factor affecting the stability of family life. Selfishness is at the root of adultery, the breaking of solemn and sacred covenants to satisfy selfish lust. Selfishness is the antithesis of love. It is a cankering expression of greed. It destroys self-discipline. It obliterates loyalty. It tears up sacred covenants. It afflicts both men and women.
Too many who come to marriage have been coddled and spoiled and somehow led to feel that everything must be precisely right at all times, that life is a series of entertainments, that appetites are to be satisfied without regard to principle. How tragic the consequences of such hollow and unreasonable thinking!" Gordon B. Hinckley, May 1991

Tagged--My Husband Derek

Melissa tagged me on this one and I thought it was excellent timing with Valentine's just around the corner. Before I fill you in on the fascinating relationship that is Derek & Audrey Petersen, I wanted to let all of you know that Costco's deal for Valentine's is THREE dozen roses (delivered!) for only $59.99. I've never heard of such a great deal. Anyway, moving onto us...

1. What's his name? Phil Derek Petersen (No, that's not short for Phillip which is what I'm always asked. Yes, he goes by his middle name because he is named after his dad. And, no, we did not carry on the name of Phil with our first born for which I will always be slightly in trouble for. However, we did name our son after my husband's great-grandpa so that counts for something I think.)

2. How long have you been married? To Derek? Probably, that's what you mean. 6 1/2 years.

3. How long did you date? Puh-leez! Don't get me started on this subject. I say we basically didn't date really at all because Derek is a big proponent of "hanging-out" so he didn't ask me on many formal dates at all. We did see each other almost every single day for about four months before we got engaged.

4. How old is he? Enjoying the last year of his 20s.

5. Who eats more? It depends on what is served. If it's dessert in any form--me for sure. If it's the main course of meat and sides--Derek. (I always remember to save room for dessert.)

6. Who said "I love you" first? Derek did. After he discussed with me how would a person know if he was in love?

7. Who is taller? I am by like 1/2 an inch. I do contend that he tricked me though by wearing hiking boots most of the time we dated (it was winter in Utah.).

8. Who sings better? Definitely Derek. His family is very talented musically while my family is talented in appreciating people who are talented musically.

9. Who is smarter? Well, Derek always says I am. However, I think it depends on what it is we're talking about. I'm very good at grammar and spelling and better at math than he is, but he has a better memory for certain details in stories and definitely knows politics and world news better than me. He also is more dedicated to studying than I could ever be.

10. Whose temper is worse? Definitely mine. Derek doesn't get that upset about most things.

11. Who does the laundry? I wash it all, but he often helps me fold it.

12. Who does the dishes? I do them most of the time, but Derek will help if I ask him to.

13. Who sleeps on the right side of the bed? This is a weird question. What is this supposed to reveal? I do right now, but it has switched from time to time.

14. Who pays the bills? Well, Derek is the one making the money, but I'm the one that pays the bills.

15. Who mows the lawn? I did mow it one time, but it's really Derek's job.

16. Who cooks dinner? Me most of the time. Derek doesn't get home in time to do that. However, on the weekends, sometimes I'll let him cook me something. He doesn't like to cook with recipes.

17. Who drives when you are together? Mostly me, but I try to let him drive because it shows that I trust him. (There's a story here, but I'll spare you the details.)

18. Who is more stubborn? Mostly me. This is genetic by the way, I have no way of avoiding this trait. Ask every male that has married into our family.

19. Who is the first to admit when they are wrong? What is this? Some sort of a put my faults on display for the whole blogging community? Derek is a thousand times better at this than me. Maybe that just means he's wrong more than me?

20. Whose parents do you visit most? I would say that my grandparents are probably who we see most because they live closer than any other parents.

21. Who proposed? Derek.

22. Who has more friends? Boy, this is a little devisive I'd say. I would say that I do a better job of keeping in touch with my friends. Who keeps tallies of these things? Even if I do have more friends, would I want to flaunt it?

23. Who has more siblings? He does--he's number two of eight.

24. Who wears the pants in the family? Well, I guess I would say that I typically am the bossier of the two of us, but to his credit, I don't think it's because Derek is a pushover, more because he recognizes a genius when he sees one. (Seriously, I think it's because Derek doesn't really feel strongly about most things that have to be decided on, but we try very hard to work together on big decisions.)

Okay, who to tag? I tag Misty M., Adrienne, Marielle, Lolly, Kelli & Stephanie

Get the Huck-abee Outta Here!

I had extra energy today as I exercised because I turned on the TV to see California's results and realized that Romney had not won as I was hoping. So, thanks McCain and Huckabee for helping me to really get a good sweat this morning.

You know, I couldn't help but think that if Huckabee wasn't in this (and really he isn't a contender if he'd be honest with himself) how would the results have been different? Sure, he won some states in the South and he won the first state of Iowa, but get real, no one is going to vote for him. I started even thinking that Huckabee's wins must've really brightened John McCain's evening. Think about it, what's the best way for McCain to come out on top other than to divide the spoils among three contenders?

You know, I would not be one bit surprised to find out when the dust settles that McCain asked some of his supporters with deep pockets to fund Huckabee's bid. What better way to slice off voters who would potentially vote for Romney. Obviously I have no way to state with complete certainty that all of Huckabee's votes would fall to Romney, but couldn't enough of those votes gone his way to help him win more states?

I'm also sick, sick, sick of hearing about Romney's $35 million of his own toward his bid and how appauled the analysts are over this. Uh, ever heard of Ross Perot? That wasn't that long ago people. Get over it. It's not like he doesn't have supporters providing cash too. Moving on...

I am sorry, but I just don't think I can vote for McCain. I really didn't like what a pouty fit he threw in the debates against Romney. He acted liked a spoiled child up there.

You know, I really am beginning to think that the Republican party is starting to create our own John Kerry of this election. You remember good, ol' John Kerry don't you? The bazillionaire that was supposed to be the great hope of the democratic party--except he couldn't do it. All I'm saying is that this may be the year we elect a Democratic president. Please, let's just not make it Hillary.

Artists in Train-ing

Thursday, I was headed to the store to get some groceries for the weekend. I came to a railroad track and all of a sudden the bars go down the lights start flashing red indicating that we will have to stop and wait for the train. I usually hate this whole procedure because instead of coming up to the tracks just as the train is going to start his crossing, I happen upon it in the middle and I'm usually in a rush thinking, "How long is this going to take?"

Well, it was actually quite neat to behold the power of the train as it blew its whistle three times and rushed across the tracks with such power. This particular train was hauling box cars full of cars and trucks. I couldn't help but notice all of the graffiti on the sides of most of the train cars. Words that really didn't mean anything to me, but were obviously important enough to someone, in some location to record them to be displayed across the US.

My first reaction to something like that is generally disgust, "I can't believe that these punks would deface this train. It's not their property, it'll cost money to clean it off, etc." Then I started to admire some of the art work and the talent it must've taken to write something in bubble letters (you remember that from junior high--we all had a girlfriend that was talented at this type of writing) with shading and blending as the letters grew into words. I don't know that they ever do clean off the graffiti that makes its way onto the sides of these trains.

My thoughts then went in a different direction, "I wouldn't even know where to go to find a parked train and write on it." I have only been to one train "station" to pick-up my cousin. It was seriously scary and I sat in my locked car and hoped that she had made it without incident. Funny, how I still think about train robberies and wild west happenings in these modern days. The fact is that this "station" was merely a plexiglass booth which had also been vandalized.

Now, I'm not one to condone defacement of property. Trust me, if someone wrote on the side of my car, I'd be irate, but I have to wonder about the culture of those who do this sort of thing. Perhaps we should have surveliance cameras around and start figuring out who these kids are and if they could offer something positive to the world instead of destroying property.

Think about it. The NBA & NFL are full of men who, without their incredible athletic prowess, would often find themselves living in low income housing without any chance of attending college. Because of their ability with a ball, they have college educations (not always completed, but they were able to go!) and money beyond their wildest dreams. What if we were to round up some of these train painters and send them to art schools and expose them to interpretation of various art periods and teach them technique? How would we change lives? How would we improve their situations?

I don't know, it's really not a pratical solution, but I just wonder. I grew up in a house where I never had to worry about feeling safe or well fed or clothed. My kids are growing up the same way. I always used to think, "Why don't people just save their money and apply themselves? There are scholarships and opportunities out there for each of us." I don't think I'm that idealistic anymore. I do think that hard work will always open doors, but I don't think we're all coming from the same playing field. What about those who grow up abused, neglected, raising their own siblings because of absentee parents, homes where there is no food or books or love?

I recently read "Nickel and Dimed on (not) getting by in America" and it was really eye-opening to me. The author, who grew up middle class, decided to leave her current situation and live as a minimum wage worker in various locations across the US. She admits that she could never truly know what it's like because she chose to do this where the people who live it day to day don't know any different. However, it was interesting to see how this class have to get by. Many live in hotels where their daily charge is an exorbitant fee. You would think--get an apartment and save lots of money of course! But, what if you can't save up to put down a deposit because you're already paying this huge amount to live where you're currently living? What about taking time off? You can't because you have to work to have the money for rent. What if you get sick? You can't see a doctor because that too would involve taking time off to get to a doctor and whom you can't afford anyway. A very sad cycle. Very informative as well.

For me, it's important to remember, that I don't know everything about a situation. I don't know motivations and backgrounds which all play into making a person choose the way they did. I can only offer my own support and help and be grateful I come from a strong family myself.