If Everyone Else Jumped Off a Bridge, Would You do it Too?

Two weekends ago we were watching 20/20. It was discussing the idea that there are several parents out there who are pushing their children to do more than the average child. To set a huge goal and go after it. Sounds really admirable right? Till you realize that the goals these particular sets of parents are encouraging these kids to accomplish are all goals that will put them in the record books. We're not asking a child to read 40 books over summer break or run a marathon. These parents had a 13 year old child climb Mt. Everest and a 16 year old girl sail solo around the globe. I definitely believe in pushing your child to do more, to be more, but not at the risk of your own life.

When questioned about the safety of encouraging and allowing their children to engage in this behavior, both sets of parents cited to the parenting of others saying things such as, "Other parents are waiting in line to 'supersize' their childrens' meals at McDonalds. What I'm doing is safer for his health than that." Or, "How could I stop her when she's so capable and determined?"

Great reasoning right? So, your next door neighbors might be teaching their children to play with handguns and smoke pot, so that definitely justifies another parent to use poor judgment in their own parenting techniques. In other words, if I parent just as poorly as they do, no harm done.

I'm certainly no ideal parent, but where do you draw the line? The 16 year old, Abby Sunderland, was lost in the middle of the Indian Ocean earlier this week. Do you think her parents flew out to find her? Do you think they spent one dime to help in the situation? No, other countries had to dispatch three different ships and an aircraft to locate this missing girl who was 2,000 miles away from either Africa or Australia. That irks me.

Why are we invested in trying to save this showboat (no pun intended) and her parents? They said they recognized the risks and were willing to accept them, but when it came down to it, they weren't. They were begging for help from any agency that would offer it.

It seems to be a common theme that you hear in parenting anymore. "Well, kids are going to be kids, so I just want to be aware of what they are doing." I've heard of parents encouraging their teenage children and their friends to drink in their homes, so at least, the parents know the children are safe. Seriously? When did we decide to just accept poor behavior and cater to it instead of setting up a standard and trying to achieve it. Isn't this the whole teaching abstinence in school debate all over again?

Do I think we should save every human life that we can? Certainly. But, I do believe that if you engage in purposefully dangerous behavior there should be repercussions. If I choose to speed and I'm caught I have to pay the fine. If I choose to send my 16 year old daughter into the middle of the ocean and she gets stuck--well, she's a minor and I should pay for it. I would just like to see some accountability here.

Do I blame the 16 year old? To some degree. I mean, she and her parents both kept citing back to her incredible skills--which skills they apparently didn't trust enough to leave her to her own devices for even a couple hours of losing her signal. Mostly though, her parents are to blame for this whole thing. I guess the take away message they want to send to her is--accomplish your goals, no matter what the cost to you or anyone else around you.

Isn't It Grand?

We are one of those ridiculous families that have lived in Arizona for over six years and never made the trip to see our closest national treasure--the Grand Canyon. So, this Memorial weekend, we remedied that by visiting with our family, Derek's two brothers and his uncle Ron and cousin Cody.

One of the placards stated that the most you can see of the canyon at any time is only 20%. Wow! I'll let the pictures tell the rest of the story, but I must say that even photos don't do it justice. You really have to see it for yourself.

What He Wants Us To Be

Last week was hard.

REALLY hard.

I don't know what happened to my sweet, little three year old, but he morphed into a monster last week.

He tromped around the house as loudly as he could with his arms set in 90 degree angles and his face smooshed up into a grimace. He was angry about EVERYTHING.

No! He did not want to go to the toilet!

No! He did not want to wash his hands after he used the toilet and how dare I ask him!

No! He did not want to eat those grapes that he'd asked for!

No! He did not want to say the prayer!

All of this and it was only 7:00 am...

And on and on and on.

On Wednesday I remembered that I could drop any child under the age of 18 off at any police department or fire station and they wouldn't ask any questions.

I wondered if they would just keep him for a few hours.

The tantrums, the hands firmly pressed over each ear to block out my instructions and reprimands, the hateful yelling, it all seemed to be too much.

I had tried all of my tricks--diversion, positive feedback for good actions, calm responses to meltdowns, more one on one attention, but none of it seemed to change him or me. Did I also mention Eli was throwing up multiple times a day from Wednesday through Saturday and yuckiness wasn't just coming out of his mouth. It all felt to be too much.

I don't know what changed, but yesterday he was back to himself.

By that I mean my little boy who loves to impress me.

My little man who is sensitive to everyone in our family and reminds me that he is not just mine, but also daddy's and Ryanna's and Eli's.

My friend who tells me that he loves me when he gives me kisses and tight hugs.

My little boy who is so passionate and trying to learn who he is while dealing with the frustration of not being able to communicate what he wants in all situations.

My three year old who sees his limitless potential at being a "rock star and a dancing rock star who plays the guitar" (his words this morning about his future career) but still has to deal with living under the house rules.

I'm thrilled that he's back to being sweet. He still has meltdowns, but it's under control. The whole situation helped me to remember that I too am still a work in progress. I still throw fits when Owen gets out of control. Granted, I don't throw my fits in a physical way, but I do express my frustration at night to my husband. I bemoan my terrible day and how grating it was. But, I all the while, am being taught and instructed on patience. While I may not like it, I need it. I need to take more time to stop and enjoy what's going on around me and less time worrying about the to dos. I need to spend more time in awe of children's stories and less time checking my email. While Owen is learning exactly who he is and what he needs to do to improve, I too am going through the same process. I hope that I can be as patient with Owen as I want God and my friends and family to be with me.

The words of this song touch me and fit the situation so perfectly:

God gave us families to help us become what he wants us to be.

This is how He shares His love. For the family is of God.

I couldn't have said it better myself.

O-hio

Lest you think I actually take the time to mother my children, I must document my jet setting ways once again.
I left early Thursday morning to fly to Ohio to hear my sister in law Kjirsti sing for her final performance in her Master's Degree program at the Cleveland Institute of Music. She has an amazing voice. An opera voice. She performed some beautiful music in mostly foreign tongues, and her voice was impressive. She looked beautiful and I felt incredibly humbled to be related to her once again.

This weekend was actually a sister's weekend, with Derek's other sisters Sabina and Brigette flying out as well as Lauren who brought her family with her. Okay, so it was a sister's weekend kind of. We take what we can get when we have small children and limited budgets. I actually wished that my whole family could've come because we had so much fun together.

It was awesome to see Kjirsti and Tom's house. I don't know what year it was built, but the entire neighborhood where they live has unique architecture for every home. It's great to visit a city and see homes designed with brick and rock and plants blooming that can't begin to grow here. This is where I would post a picture of a beautiful blooming azalea if I'd thought to get one. Or a picture of stunning architecture if I'd remembered that either.
We also went to the Cleveland Art Museum which was had a great collection and reminded me of my time in Spain. I love studying art work. I really should do it again. Add it to the ever growing list...

We also went to the West Side Market which reminded me of Spain too. Vendors were hawking their produce and meats and all kinds of delicious and tempting sweets (some items not so tempting also).
We finished off the night with an authentic Puerto Rican meal by Trevor: beans and rice (amazing flavor!), fried plantains, mangoes and papaya milkshakes. It was all so yummy I had to eat more than I should to be polite.
It's opportunities to be around family that remind me how important extended family is. I love my little family that I have with my husband, but there is something so special about extended family. I wish they were closer. I wish we could see each other more often. Thanks for the memories!

Intensity

I can't take credit for these photos. They are the product of another great mom from Owen's soccer team. She emailed them to me and I was thrilled. Not only were the colors intense, but so was the subject:
my child--Owen--
the soccer beast.
I loved seeing his focus and drive out on the field. If this is age 3, what's age 4, 7, 12, 17?

Lee Lee's

You never know when you're gonna need a fresh packet of Telephone Brand Agar-Agar Powder.

There's an Asian market in the Phoenix area that I have wanted to visit for a long time, but have never made the trip. Today I decided to remedy that. The boys and I loaded up and visited Lee Lee's.

I had been warned that the smell of raw fish would assault me upon entering the store, so I wasn't surprised by that.

What I was surprised by were all of the different foods from countries other than say Korea or China.

I was definitely out of my element as I entered the first row. I congratulated myself on finding the rice noodles until I looked down the row and realized it was an entire aisle of rice noodles. Yikes! I asked a fellow shopper for help, but she didn't speak English all that well. The front of the store is different varities of rice in 20+ pound bags. (Jess, you would've LOVED this place!)

The produce was interesting too. Here you see Daikon and next to it is Korean Daikon. Let's be honest, I hate it when my recipe calls specifically for Korean Daikon and the market only has regular Daikon. The last item pictured (resembling cucumbers) is called Bitter Melon. Yum! Sometimes you get a good cantaloupe and you think, "Man, this is okay, but if it were bitter--that would rock!"

I didn't recognize most of the produce except for stuff I have actually cooked with. It's funny--these are Lychee. I would think finding canned lychee at all would be a big deal let alone having three different brands of Lychee to choose from.

The whole store was like this. I would find an item that I'd never heard of and there would be several different brands of that item. Who knew?

I walked away with some dark soy sauce--yes, there's a difference, yellow curry, coconut milk, rice noodles, and some frozen mango concentrate. I almost bought a bag of Jasmine rice, but it had no instructions anywhere on it. I assume it cooks the same, but you never know. Had the boys not been with me, I could've really explored, but a stay at home mom takes what she can get.

I drove a couple of miles away and walked into a different world.

Formica be Gone!

When we bought our house we were in love. It was perfect and we would rather live here than anywhere else.

Then we lived here for one day and realized there were changes we would make--someday.

Someday arrived on Friday.

Someday arrived in the name of Giallo Portofino.

It arrived and I am in heaven.

I am still walking into my kitchen and feeling like I'm not in my own house.

(Except no one seems to want to clean it but me!)

As we all know nothing makes you appreciate a change as much as seeing what you once had. So, here's the beginning--

The strong worker types taking away my old stainless steel sink and replacing it with a granite composite sink.

These two guys transformed my kitchen in about 7 and a half hours from what you see above to total magnificence.

WARNING: These pictures may make you drool with delight and anticipation of doing the same thing!

And, because it's my blog and my sweet grandparents came for a visit, I have to post some cute shots of them. There are several good ones I got of my grandma and the picture of my Papa was very telling of how he spent his time--serving others. He repaired all of our honey-dos. So, consequently, there are not a lot of shots of him.