I'll Love You Forever

My friend and best seamstress, Jen, posted a link to this blogpost (be warned, you're going to tear up--I did!) and I just felt so inspired by her thoughts--Jen's thoughts as well--you should read her post too. I think a lot about motherhood these days. In fact, I had my yearly check up with my ob today (aren't those so fun?) and we talked about family.

I think a lot about the family that I have. I love my children so much. I marvel at their talents and their beauty. I wonder how I could ever have been trusted to raise such amazing humans. I do wish that I did a better job of taking the time to plan more crazy and fun activities for my kids. But the post reminded me that when it comes down to it, there's something that is so special and sacred about family that you can't produce through a perfectly executed birthday party.

Tonight Derek came home a bit early from work (before 6!) and he ran upstairs and threw on some shorts and ran outside to play ball with the kids. I folded laundry upstairs and it ran through my mind that this is bliss. Not so much the folding laundry, but the building of family. Sure, there's work to be done, but there's time to play and laugh together too.

As I think about how much there is to be done every day, it is overwhelming at times, but when I have some sweet moments where I stop and hug one of my children or sing a little song with them I feel so close to them. That feeling is such a comfort and such a lift to my spirit.

Maybe these feelings are why being a grandparent must be so grand--you finally have more time to stop and enjoy these little people without having to haggle with them to eat correctly or quit fighting or to flush the toilet. You love more than you push. You relax a bit and appreciate how quickly these kids grow.

I hope that someday when my kids are adults they can feel like I do about my own mom and grandma, that when I need to feel unconditional love and support, it's no further than a phone call to the women who love me.

Formica be Gone!

When we bought our house we were in love. It was perfect and we would rather live here than anywhere else.

Then we lived here for one day and realized there were changes we would make--someday.

Someday arrived on Friday.

Someday arrived in the name of Giallo Portofino.

It arrived and I am in heaven.

I am still walking into my kitchen and feeling like I'm not in my own house.

(Except no one seems to want to clean it but me!)

As we all know nothing makes you appreciate a change as much as seeing what you once had. So, here's the beginning--

The strong worker types taking away my old stainless steel sink and replacing it with a granite composite sink.

These two guys transformed my kitchen in about 7 and a half hours from what you see above to total magnificence.

WARNING: These pictures may make you drool with delight and anticipation of doing the same thing!

And, because it's my blog and my sweet grandparents came for a visit, I have to post some cute shots of them. There are several good ones I got of my grandma and the picture of my Papa was very telling of how he spent his time--serving others. He repaired all of our honey-dos. So, consequently, there are not a lot of shots of him.

Finding My Roots Part IV

For those of you who have been following my journey to locate my dad's biological family, I figured you may be interested in the latest chapter. For those of you who haven't read the whole story, it's here and here and here). I hesitate to really call it a finale because I do believe that now that I have found them and met them, they will be a part of my life forever. So, I believe it's actually a bit of a beginning really.

Sara, Maegan, my dad, me and Debbie

Sara & Maegan are twins!

This last Thursday I flew out to Arkansas. My dad flew from Colorado and met me at the airport. We were picked up by my dad's uncle--whom neither of us have ever met before. It felt a bit like those blind date set ups you hear about where the woman wears a red carnation or something else as an identifier. Anyway, I did actually think about not being able to recognize him because I've never met him before and all the photos I have of him are about 40 years old. So, we exchanged cell phone numbers. Would've been more romantic had I worn a flower, but a cell phone will do.

I have to have a side note in this story to say that a mom, such as myself, traveling without her kids is a mom who feels a bit lost. I can't remember the last time I traveled without a child and I really did feel weird and incomplete. I mean I could actually read a book! I didn't have to say, "Stop touching that," or "Here, have gummy bears for lunch," in order to control the masses. I missed my kids terribly. I felt weird without them with me. I can officially say I am a stay at home mom. Now, back to the story.

I called Darrel (my great uncle/my dad's uncle) and we met right at the escalator. He gave me the biggest, tightest bear hug and right away, I knew the trip would be good. He is a very handsome guy--he looks a lot like Colonel Sanders of KFC fame. His hair is the most gorgeous, white hair I think I've ever seen. I was telling his daughter, Debbie, how much I liked his hair and she said, "Oh yes. Dad is a dandy." In other words, he takes great pride in looking well coiffed and handsome. Sorry I am finding myself providing a lot of details here. You've probably all stopped reading by now. Darrel is actually in his pjs here. He didn't know I'd want to take a photo or he'd be looking even better!

Sara, Maegan, my dad, Darrel and Debbie

(Bethany was sadly gone that night.)

We chatted the drive back to Searcy and ate dinner together along with his daughter Debbie and Debbie's daughters Sara and Maegan (twins) and her other daughter Bethany. The conversation was nice and introductory. I was surprised to discover that they didn't know any of the story of my dad's birth. My dad's mom, Doris, had never spoken about it at all. Not to her siblings, not to her own mother even. I can't imagine how that affected her for the rest of her life.

I have to also say that when Darrel heard we were coming out he offered to have us stay in his house and drive his car, so that the trip would not be expensive. That is true charity. He didn't know anything about us other than my phone calls and emails and he completely opened up his home to us. He is an amazing man.

The next day my dad and I drove down to Little Rock, so that I could do some family history work on my grandma's lines (this is my mom's mom--I'm not trying to make this confusing I promise). Strangely enough she has several family lines that go back to Arkansas and now my dad's biological lines go back to Arkansas too! I was able to get some information, but unfortunately, the state of Arkansas has lost a lot of records to fires and probably some to tornadoes as well I'd guess.

Another side note--tornadoes touched down five miles away from where I stayed. FIVE MILES! We actually drove through where it landed and I can't put into words how seeing devastation like that in person will shock you. I've seen plenty of post tornado photos on TV and the Internet, but never in person. It's crazy. There will be one house razed to the ground and 10 feet away another house won't have a scratch. Whole trees pulled up by the roots, walls and boards thrown all over and just mass devastation.

The last day we were there I was able to finally meet my great-grandma. Do you realize that if my dad's mom were still living, there would be FIVE generations alive on the earth right now. (Five is apparently a theme here.) Since her son Darrel (my great uncle) is still alive, there really are five generations alive. That never happens anymore.

See how she's holding his hand. She didn't want to let go. It was so touching.

When we walked in to meet her she was so sweet and had us come right over to her and she kissed our cheeks and said how happy she was to finally see us. After I showed her some pictures and video of my kids, I had my dad go sit close to her, so I could get their photo together. She grabbed my dad's hand and didn't want to let go. She said, "I've missed you. I've thought about you again and again through the years."

It's how I imagine it'll be when we arrive in heaven. Our family will be waiting and they will hold us close and say, "I've missed you." I just can't tell you how much that meant to my dad to know that this woman has thought of him and worried for him. His biological mother died just three years shy of us getting to meet her and the woman who adopted him died when he was nine and the next woman that raised him died just a few years ago of Alzheimer's; not even recognizing him the last several years of her life. Then, here is this woman who has held his memory in her heart for 52 years and loves him immediately upon meeting him.

After we left visiting with grandma (or Me-maw as they say in the South), we went to the cemetery where my grandma, my dad's mom, is buried.

We ate BBQ that night and I ate a hush puppie (I liked it) and fried pie (I LOVED THAT!). I could definitely adjust my diet to southern cooking. Of course, Darrel cooked every meal for us and he's quite the host when it comes to whipping up a meal (sausage, bacon, biscuits and gravy along with homemade jam--and that was just for one breakfast!)

Debbie, Maegan, Bethany, Darrel, Sara, me and my dad

It was a very wonderful trip. I felt at home with these people. They are wonderful and accepting and so much fun. I want to visit again and continue to nurture this wonderful new family that I have been blessed to find.

Who Do You Look Like?

It's interesting how each person seems to see your children differently. I, personally, don't see myself in Ryanna at all. I think she looks completely like Derek's side of the family: brown eyes (Derek's mom is the only grandparent with brown eyes), darker toned skin, skinny, skinny body. All of those things make me think Derek's family.

Ryanna


Derek and His older sister

Now Owen, with his bigger frame and blonde hair and hazel/greenish eyes, I can see my family more clearly there.

Owen--that smile!




Me and Owen with our blonde hair--at least he doesn't have a sunburn!

Though I definitely see a part of Derek's face shape in Owen.

Eli, I still don't know which family members I see there. He does get really tiny eyes when he smiles like I do. Funny, I think it's so cute on him, but I hate it for myself. Aren't we always our own worst critics?

Eli

Me--maybe I look like Eli?

His smile gets me too!

Any Eli in little Derek?

So, last week we were at Owen's soccer practice and the coach comes up to talk to us and notices Ryanna and Eli. "Are these all yours?" he asked Derek. Derek responded affirmatively that we were indeed the parents. To which the coach responded, "They all look like your wife."

The next day at the soccer game, which I was unable to attend, another parent made the same comment to Derek.

Now, I tend to take strangers views on which of the children look like which parent with a little more validity given that these strangers didn't grow up with me or Derek, so they don't have the bias which people who have known you for a long time may have.

However, this idea, I just can't buy. All of my kids look just like me? How can that be when they all look different from each other? I thought I'd post some of Derek's baby pics and some of mine and some of our kids and then you can tell me who you see...

Maybe I'm just wondering about all of this because I'm finally making the trip to meet my dad's biological family. Yes, on Thursday I leave for Arkansas to meet my own great grandma for the FIRST time. Pretty amazing. I'm so excited. I guess I'm wondering too...do I look anything like that side of the family? Any habits that were genetic? Is that even possible? Guess I'll find out in a few days!

Oh BROTHER!!! (Sequel to Finding My Roots)

Imagine coming home from your job. You're tired, you want to just relax. Your mom comes over for a visit and tells you that she has a letter for you to read. She hands you the letter and you wonder what in the world this could be. After reading the letter your mom tells you that she's checked with other family members to make sure that this information is accurate and then you realize that today you gained a relative--a half brother to be exact.
Last Friday I received a call from my dad's BROTHER!!! You'll remember from my first posting that his biological mom had no other children. However, his biological father married and had one son. They were unable to ever have any other children, so their son was raised as an only child. Now, 49 years later he discovers he has a brother.
I can't tell you how completely overwhelmed and shocked both my dad's brother and his mom were (still are!). He said to me, "I never had a brother before." They both told me numeous times that their dad/husband never knew that my dad ever existed. They said he's not the type of man to abandon a child. He and his wife were married for 50 years and she said they didn't keep anything from each other.
Now, do they have any information to help me fill in the gaps? A little, just a few scant details told from his sisters who are still living. These sisters remember my dad's mom and their brother dated for a while. One sister said she even remembers that after the relationship ended, she overheard a conversation where someone has said that there was a rumor that my dad's biological mom was pregnant. The sister forgot about it and never did follow up on it. Turns out, as we all know, it was no rumor. No one was ever able to verify the information anyway, because my dad's mom married a different man and moved across the country.
As I said, I feel like with the little bits of information that are coming in, I just keep having more and more questions. Obviously she never told the biological father that she was pregnant, but why? I'm not upset because without everything happening the way it did, I wouldn't be here writing this. It's just all such a mystery and the people with the answers have all passed away. There's very little information left.
When I called my dad and told him I had just talked with his brother, he was excited. How could he not be? He's never had a brother before either.

He said, "Well, I guess you're done now."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Well, you've found everyone. There's no one left," he said.

Hmmmm...I guess I'm done. But they are family, I don't feel like I'm really DONE per se. Just a little bit further in the journey. Now we get to schedule a trip to meet everyone. I'm excited. What a crazy trip--meeting my uncle for the first time. Meeting a great uncle for the first time. Cousins and cousins and cousins too. Will they look anything like me? Will my dad's brother have similar characteristics to him? I'm extremely curious to meet everyone and just get filled up with information.
With such a find I have to say how grateful I am to God. Seriously, the last couple of weeks I've felt so overwhelmingly blessed by the Spirit. It's amazing to have this opportunity.
Pictures will be coming...we're still planning the trip!

Families Are Forever

This morning was rough. You know, a day when all of the kids are up before the alarm can ring at 6 am. A morning where my internet won't work--STILL!!! A morning where I discovered that the load of dishes I started last night at 9 pm were still in process of being dried at 7 am (Will that food ever come off now?). Then, the baby started to get really cranky because--guess what?--he's not supposed to be up until 8:30 or so. Just a day where I was ready to call it quits around 11 am and head back to bed.

Instead, at 12 I headed to Owen's swim lessons. There was a new child there today. His mom sat right by me. We chatted a bit and laughed about how her little boy was so big compared to my small children. Then, she asked me how many kids I had. I pointed out all three. I asked her how many she had. She told me she had five but two were dead. I was shocked. What happened I asked? She told me that her oldest son had accidentally been electrocuted last year. He was 27. Then, later that year, she had a baby girl who was born with one of her lungs underdeveloped. She was pink and healthy and beautiful. The survival rate for that type of thing these days is 98%. Unfortunately, one of her doctors was too rough with the little girl and blew a hole in her lung. Then, he had the audacity to say, "It was for the best."

I sat next to this woman and heard her story and I just couldn't imagine someone saying that to me. Someone trying to play God with someone else's life. I realize doctors often are put in that situation, but to be so cavalier about your errant actions? To take a human life is unimaginable to me, but to do it without a modicum of remorse is sickening.

My heart went out to this mom who further explained that the huge age gap between her children was due to the fact that she's had to have all of them through invitro fertilization.

Then she said, "It's okay. I've had a lot of spiritual experiences related to the loss. I know that I'll have her again. She's mine."

Yes, you will have her again because Families are Forever. Isn't that the most wonderful promise of all? The people we love here on Earth can be with us in heaven as well.

I left the swim lesson feeling a little chastised for my self pity...reminded that my problems are small and easily overcome. I can go to sleep tonight and have a fresh start on all of them tomorrow. I love the promise of a new day. I love the knowledge we have of the eternal nature of families. I feel truly blessed.

Random Musings & Cute Pics

So, I feel like I should have something funny or insightful or meaningful to say, but really I keep thinking about that yummy granola I made that's sitting on the stove in the kitchen just waiting for me to eat another handful.

No, you're wrong--I should NOT grab another handful.

Yeah, I know granola is healthy for the most part, but I'm pretty sure this isn't that healthy because it tastes just like a fresh baked oatmeal cookie.

I do want to lose those 2.5 pounds I put on while visiting my grandparents. But how BADLY do I want to lose them?

I worked dang hard to put them back on. Pizza from Papa Murphy's--(thanks Don!), pork chops & homemade mashed potatoes & gravy, my grandma's most amazing salad, hamburgers with all the fixin's, tacos, my pop's homemade butterfinger icecream that he makes just for me regardless of the time of year or temperature outside. Need I go on?

By the way, did you know they make Hershey's Kisses with coconut flavor now? I haven't tried them and I'm not even really tempted, but I wonder when this Hershey's Kiss flavoring madness is going to stop?

So, yesterday I gave up junk food. Yes, I did. I gave it up for the ENTIRE day. Wow, I don't know how I made it.

I didn't even eat any junk food today & if you dare to post on this blog about how my granola is junk food, I may just take the liberty to remove your comment. Don't push your luck. You're dealing with a woman who has not had chocolate in over 24 hours--nor any homemade butterfinger ice cream.

Wanta see something cute? Okay here it is--

That is my Papa--strongest and sweetest guy. That is his twin 71 years younger. Seriously, Owen has my grandparents' last name as his middle name and boy oh boy does it fit. Look at those smiles. They both have pieces of my heart.

Ready for the next cute thing?

Boy, that smile gets me every time! His poor wife, she'll never be able to stay angry.

I love the smiles and laughs that the photo below captured-- Plus, it reminds me of the butterfinger ice cream and that's a plus.

My grandma thinks it's her job to spoil my kids. I think it's actually in her contract. Anyway, she gave them an Easter Egg hunt the last night we were there. Some of the eggs were filled with money and others were filled with chocolate. I don't know which is more tempting to me.

The eyes slightly glancing to the side say, "Mom, I need to get more eggs! I'm just humoring you about this photo--it'll never really be great."

And this picture? It's another favorite. My kids--they are so perfect--even better than Butterfinger ice cream and Gram's salads.

After Christmas--Dealing with the Chaos

Christmas you came and went so quickly! Thank you for allowing us to fly to Seattle without being rerouted or stuck on a snowy mountain pass. Thank you for the 24 family members all snuggled (perhaps too closely?) in one house. I also want to compliment you on the gorgeous scenery you provided--tree branches coated in ice and snow and snowflakes bigger than I ever remember seeing before.

However, I want to request that you do me a few favors next year...Could you please help me to unpack when I return? I'm still trying to do laundry and find places for our new treasures. Could you help me to remember to turn to the side for the family photo? Not only did I just have a baby, but all of my in-laws are as big around as one of my thighs--we don't need photo documentation of this. Could you also provide my kids with super immune systems so that they could come home without colds? And, lastly, I'd appreciate it if you could get the US Postal service to deliver my mail that they saved.

I would post some pics of this glorious vacation, but I don't have any to share. I'm waiting for copies from my brother-in-law and sister-in-law. I didn't bring my camera and they take a lot better photos than me anyway.

However, I can post, for your enjoyment--video of the littlest Pete with his smiles and giggles which have recently become more frequent. Aren't babies wonderful?

Our visit to Missouri

We just got home from a trip to the Midwest to visit my parents. The weather was absolutely beautiful the first two days. Those of you living in Arizona know that means it was anything below 90 degrees. Plus, those first two days, there was no humidity!

We lit fireworks on three different nights, ate frozen custard at the local place, had chocolate, rootbeer, orange and strawberry milk all from a local dairy. The bottles are these heavy, glass bottles like you would think of the old time milk coming in and the milk is delicious! We also went to Worlds of Fun and hit all the kiddie rides and a ball park inside (imagine a park with thousands of foam balls and all kinds of contraptions to shoot, rocket, launch or vacuum them everywhere). We also went fishing at one of the local lakes and Ryanna and Papa caught at least 13 different fish in about 2 hours (all Blue Gill).

Mostly, we were all incredibly spoiled each in our own ways. Ryanna and Owen having every activity based around their interests and me being allowed to get naps and sleep in in the mornings.

It was such a fun time and we look forward to going back.

On a sidenote, all of the songs you will hear are Ryanna's current favorites. Enjoy them while you view the photos.

Little Accomplishments?

So, this summer I finally tamed Owen. He used to be my TV refuser. I have officially gotten him to watch a whole Sesame Street. Should I be proud of this or embarassed that I wanted him to let me get something done without his help for an hour? I'm not sure. I love that I can type this sans Owen, but at the same time, I feel a bit guilty that I have helped my 19 month old child find the world of TV.

I also helped him to discover chocolate pudding yesterday. This brought back memories of Ryanna's fondness for the treat.
We always tell her that he's watching her and following her example. Like sister, like brother right?
Ryanna's swimming is going well. Here's a video of her swimming across the pool without any help or as she proudly proclaims, "Without anything on!" We have to quickly follow this bold assertion to friends that we are not skinny dippers.

I really want to post a video of Owen's swimming progress as well because it too is mighty impressive. Unfortunately, I am the only person in the water with him and I can't help him and use a camera to record, so you'll just to have to read about it. He goes underwater to the edge of the pool and monkey walks himself to the ledge. He also swims to the shelf and pulls himself out of the water. I think it was the rings that did the trick. Once it became a bit of a sport, he couldn't wait to dive into the water and try and get those rings. I am thrilled with his swimming progress.

I too have been working on my own little project and am proud to say I have been successfully growing a little boy, who remains nameless as yet, and this is how I looked on Father's Day. As a disclaimer, the only pact I made was with my husband and we both agreed it would be a good idea. I did not offer him a high five at his success, but I do have a high school diploma as well as a bachelor's degree.

And, I have to report that Father's Day was a great success. We made a super yummy fruit salad, lasagna (one of the best, if not the very best, batches I ever made), breadsticks from scratch, our neighbor brought over a green salad and we made carrot cake--from scratch. My husband loved it. Doesn't he look happy to be a dad? I mean, when you make such beautiful children, how can you not smile?

Coming down

We had quite a fun Christmas visiting family in Colorado and then we were lucky enough to have my sister-in-law Kjirsti (pronounced Chair-stee for all of you thinking "what the heck?") and her husband Tom (pronounced Tom) visit for a few days. It's always great for me to visit with everyone because it usually means:

1. My husband is not working!!!


2. My husband is helping me with the chores and children.


3. I am spending time with other humans who don't want to watch a movie in the middle of the day or fall apart mid afternoon because they refuse to ever take a nap.

Not that I don't love being a SAHM, but it's nice to get a break from my full-time job too!

The downside to all of this wonderful family togetherness is the time period directly following. After we have left or everyone has left us, my kids forget how to function a bit. My daughter is pretty independent and will play by herself or with Owen for very long time periods. Upon the departure of family, my children look at me with sad eyes reminiscent of Puss in Boots from the Shrek movies as if to say, "Dear woman, we received constant stimulation and attention from family for the last x days and now it is your turn to be a one-woman entertainment center."

Unfortunately for them, I never fall for this and instead have to spend several days convincing them that it is okay to read a book by youself or color or paint a picture, etc. It's always a hard knock life until they discover that I will spend time with them, but not every waking moment as they have quickly grown accustomed to.

Boy, I wish we lived closer to family, so they could get more interaction like this. I think it would be so good for them--them being my children--in so many ways. If I could convince family to come down at this time of year, they may just move here. It's the months of May-September/October that I've got to prevent them from seeing the furnace we live in. So, if you're feeling like you need a break from the cold and snow, I have a place for you!

Projects that suck up my energy and time

I have always had the desire to create a picture DVD for my grandparents that documents their marriage and all of us that have come from their union. Well, I never had a program to do it before, but I decided this was the year. They also celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary this year, so I thought the timing was perfect.
The problem lies in the fact that they reside in Colorado while I live in Arizona. One time while I was visiting, I was able to chronologically organize a bunch of snapshots through the years. When I say chronologically, I mean to the best of my memory and realize that I was not even alive for a lot of these photos.
I was able to convince my grandma to let me take those a year ago. The best photos are in a box at her house. Yes, a box, they should be on the wall or burned to a CD so all of us can enjoy them, but at least they're safe I guess. There's only a few things my grandparents really guard--jewelry, guns and photos. You psychoanalyze that. My aunt did manage to scan quite a few photos for the 50th Anniversary celebration, so that she could make these huge posters. She provided me with a copy of the CD and it has been a great resource for my project.
This is the very reason why I have been neglecting my blog. I have easily spent over 30 hours thus far (and I'm STILL not done) trying to create this thing. It's about 30minutes long with each photo taking up 5 seconds. Yes, that's over 400 photos. I scanned probably 150 of them myself. I have had to crop a lot of them and tried to improve color on a few.
Needless to say, my husband and kids have been awesome in giving me the time to do this. Especially my husband. I usually wait till the kids are in bed, but poor Derek has been incredibly understanding that his wife is bound and determined to finish what she set out to do.
So, I thought I'd post of few of me as a little girl, so you can enjoy my cuteness too.